my dk's are stuck in Hodgkins IL

What the heck? They've been on a sad little UPS truck for a couple days now, slowly making their way to me. They started in Davenport IA and made their way to Hodgkins IL, where they've been now for about 24 hours. I googled it...its only about 3 hours between the two, but they were going EAST! Iowa's closer to California than Illinois is! What the heck! They sure as hell better be getting onto a plane and flying to me...if they aren't, oh man...i'm going to be a sad, sad little girl.

well, old habits die hard i think

I used some of my 1000 emergency fund for a pair of David Kahns.

But, guys, it was an emergency. I needed them for Philly.

Don't give me that look.

I'll replace it with this next paycheck.

And, i don't regret it.

The biggest kind of emergency in my life is a fashion emergency.

I'm proud to say, this is why i have my emergency fund.

Thanks Dave Ramsey. If he saw the jeans, he'd approve.

it happened again!

So, this morning, it was crazy cold outside. I mean, you step outside and you instantly get that sharp inhale of breath into your lungs because its so cold. And instead of my mind going to the "holy crap! cold!" thoughts...it was more along the lines of "must....have....coffee."

without coffee, generally, i'm a zombie. Many years of drinking it has created a severe addiction and if i don't drink coffee in the morning, i'm a sad, sad, mean girl. Forget friendly, cute, loveable Shelby. She doesn't come around. You get horrible, sarcastic, debbie-downer Shelby. The $4 for a latte is a small price to pay so that i can spare everyone around me from getting the "please Jesus come back NOW so i don't have to interact with Shelby" me.

So, i jumped into my classic volv...steered it carefully out of my parking spot, while at the same time warming my ever freezing fingers and toes. Yikes...frostbite.

I drive down to Starbucks and almost instantly become deterred by the long line. Ever since moving to Redding, i don't like long lines. I think there's no need to wait in line for something so long. In Seattle, its a given...hurry up and wait. Here, its pretty easy...drive in, drive out. So, nevertheless, the bucks had a good amount of people this morning...at least 5 cars in the drive through.

I navigate though parked cars to try to get to the speakerbox as quickly as i can.

"hi, morning, grande extra hot pumpkin spice latte."

...chatter from the box about it being cold outside...do i want a pumpkin scone?...3.85 at the window...

"thanks!"

Drive forward, listen to some Kanye (i love his new stuff by the way...it makes me want to go clubbing. but when do i club? never... ok, rewind, it makes me want to listen to kanye in my car going to work. BINGO.

I get to the window really quickly...bucks was on their game this morning. they must employ people who are my nemesises in the morning: perky people without the need for coffee. ugh, annoying.

Anyways, i go to give them my card, and the girl says, "oh, no, your drink's been paid for by the guy in back of you. he says he knows you."

Instant look in my rearview mirror. I don't think i know that grey truck? Do I? Does he have me mistaken for the other white volvo who drives around town? Possibly.

I'm instantly struck with gratitude. That's CRAZINESS. Those small gifts that are so insignificant but put such a birght spin on your day.

I take my drink, ask her to tell him "thank you very much.", wave out my back window and drive off.

So cool. And, especially cool because yesterday i started to get freaked out about money. With going to Philly, it just makes me so anxious that i'll have enough money to get what i need before i go. Even with a small little savings fund, i still get all uptight-Tracy because I need to protect my savings account, and i shouldn't be buying clothes that i don't need, and then there's the unrealistic expectations and all the pressure of doing a good job representing my company.

Oh...I love identifying all stress that i need to let go of. The stress that isn't mine to own. So, with that, i confidently say that I'll be able to acquire everything that i think i "need" in time and in budget, and that I will do the best job that i can.

And, i confidently say that even in the small things, that the Lord knows my needs and wants and when i'm obedient to him, he really does open the floodgates and pour out his blessings, one grande extra hot pumpkin spice latte at a time.

goodbye jcrew..i won't miss you

in happy news yesterday, i made the last payment of my life towards jcrew. it was wonderful. I'm waiting until the money comes out of my account, and then i'm calling to close that sucker down. do you think they will miss me? I'm sure they will. I sure as hell won't miss them. (how's that for gazelle intensity?)

now my winter white pea coat and my black little coat that i wear every other day really do belong to me. what if my jcrew card went to collections? would they come and demand my coats back? and could i guilt them into letting me keep my coats by telling the repo men that if they took them i would be cold? probably not... but i laugh at myself that i imagine such a scenario.

i think its really interesting how i always remember what i purchased with credit. its almost like i can't shake the shame of putting things on credit, so i always remember that certain things are not paid off. its funny how my mind works. I can remember things like that, but i can't remember when to arrive at my babysitting houses. I get there an hour earlier than i should. But, at least i know what i used my discover card for.

this is a huge boo-yah to my debt snowball. 1 down, 8 more debts to go.

and, i officially graduated from financial peace university. the only thing better than the ceremony last night would've been if dave ramsey personally had given me my certificate while "pomp and circumstance" boomed in the background. (And then he gave me a thousand dollar bill because he was so proud of me...there i go again with my vivid imagination.)

in other, completely unrelated news, one of my wholesalers tried to sweet-talk my boss into taking me to philly this year for a national sales conference. who knows if i will make the trek to the east coast, but it definately would be an interesting time. looking back, the thing that i liked best about going to philly last year was the flights there and back. I'm a sucker for travel...not always the destination, but give me a good lukewarm piece of cardboard disguised as an in-flight meal and i'm a happy camper.

things are looking up.

this is a first in my life...

$1000 in the bank in my good, old-fashioned savings account. BOO-YAH! Baby Step #1: COMPLETE.

I can understand why Dave Ramsey would've said that this needed to be completed within the first month of Financial Peace University...it does feel like an incredible accomplishment and encourages me to keep going. (Although, here we are and tomorrow is our last class, so apparently, i don't fall quite in line with Dave's timeline...but nonetheless, i've still done it.)

Now, Baby Step #2: debt snowball. I guestimated that by the time that I am done with my debt snowball, it'll be August 2010. I don't know if this is an accurate guess, but i'm hopefull it'll be a bit under 2 years before I'm totally debt free (including student loans).

In fact, i did make a huge payment to a credit card today, and hopefully, over the next 15 days, i'll scrimp and save and find the additional $60 to pay it off completely. With gazelle intensity, i will be a good steward of my money.

This feeling is so wonderful. Not living paycheck to paycheck...having financial margin. I'm much more of a planner now. I've seen this work in my life, so anytime that i find extra money, you'll find me sitting for hours at a time on my couch, figuring out on my trusty calculator where that money will go and what it will pay off.

Ah, delicious financial peace. Thank you Jesus.

(now, i just need to save for some dental work because if i don't Danielle won't be my friend anymore.) I don't want to pay for it though. Its not in the budget.

ok, ok...i'll work it into the budget.

this one is for elaine...

I was cleaning my office this morning getting ready to host some people in our ESA corporate office and came across a cherished momento. A few years back, for my birthday, i got the best present. It was a mousepad with a picture of a monkey dressed up as a business person, wearing a suit and tie, sitting at a desk, staring at a computer screen and laughing.

In the tradition of all those motivational posters that have one word on it, and then a little saying like:

LEAD

You never know who is watching

or

SRENGTH

When you don't have it, you rely on those around you.

My monkey-suited mousepad had this on it:

THINK

It's the people with ideas who get ahead. Of course, if management tries their ideas and they don't work, those people get fired. So think, but keep it to yourself.

Classic. Definately, in my previous employment history that has rung true. In the tradition of toasting: "here's to jobs that you can look at that and laugh, instead of look at it and laugh to keep from crying."

i got "pay-it-forward"ed today

so...this day has been amazing. as much as i write blogs about what i'm currently doing, i really try to stay away from blogs like "8:05am: picked up pencil at work and it broke!, 10:10, realized that i left my window down and its been raining for 30 minutes already. 11:12am: got hungry. ate." i mean, i guess we all have stuff we need to throw out to the enourmous online world...i just figure that no one really should need to read about my minute-by-minute life.

however...today is different. today, the mundane things have come alive for me, and so, i welcome you to my blog regarding my day so far. its been lovely.

I woke up on time at 5:33am. What a blessing to experience something different than normal. I usually always am running late to work. (Actually, I don't run late anywhere else...but work! yikes!) I got ready, grabbed my purse, and opened up my door to go to small group.

HELLO FOG! Hello winter! I've missed you! Will you please stay? (The weather made me really happy...)

Another happy thing today: small group. Can we please talk about the Cascade Christmas just a little more?

We got out of Breakfast Club a little early, and since i'd only had 2 cups of coffee this morning to that point, i decide a fitting stop before i go to work would be Starbucks. Since E Cypress is NOTORIOUS about having the hottest baristas (I swoon every time i go there), i decided to swing by and pick up the favorite of all winter drinks: the pumpkin spice latte. (I gotta admit: while i was driving, i also did my fair share of admiring my hair and makeup in the mirror as i drove...had to make sure i was looking cute for the baristas at the Bucks...)

So, when i get there, I jump in line...ready to order my drink and as i finish saying "hey, i'll have a grande, extra-hot pumpkin spice latte" the man behind me says "I've got that. I'm trying something new and am paying it forward. Someone did it to me." So, first inclination is to say, "are you sure?" but i realize that when people make the offer, its something they want to do, and to refuse would be impolite. And then, as i'm basking in the thankfulness glow of getting something undeserved, I'm grateful for paying it foward and for this grandpa who just made my day by offering to grab my Starbs tab. Who does that?

"merry christmas" is exchanged between us as we grab out drinks that came out right after each other, and i leave and he leaves.

what the heck?

as i drive to work, i think about all the times that i've had opportunities to act out (in a good way) and pay it foward, and all the times i thought better of it and didn't do anything. how selfish.

Work...work...work...manage...manage...manage. And that brings me to now! (and i actually am eating. yum.)

All this to say, I'm grateful for mr. man who bought my starbucks today, and i look forward to the next time that i can swing through the starbucks and buy the drink for the person in back of me.

that will be a great day for them. and good...because i've paid it forward.

another blog to get me current...

oh man...what a rough road of sickness i've been on these past few days. 

last friday, for the third time in a week, i had gone to target to again visit the cold & flu section...i swear, the pharmacists must've thought that i was operating my own little meth lab. I'd been there so many times there was no other option but to think that. (well...they could think that i was a stubborn girl who was refusing to go to the doctor...about that they were absolutely correct.)

on Saturday i was trying to wage the war on my illness in my mind...i went over the whole "power of positive thinking" argument in my mind and knew that if i could just tell myself i was feeling better, even if it wasn't true, it would surely follow. 

it didn't. i mean it did for a few days until this horrible sore throat and insane nose problem started up on Monday.

on Tuesday, i coughed and wheezed and hacked through a late-night showing of twilight and decided  that being sick like i had been was not worth it any longer. i was going to bite the bullet and finally see a health practitioner. 

was i glad that i did! diagnosis: acute bronchitis. prescription: azithromyocin, forever now known to me as the "i have a will to live again" miracle drug. 

thanksgiving: wonderful. day after thanksgiving: great so far... fun times planned for this evening. 

in other news...i have decided on two of my new favorite TV shows. if I'm in the mood to be really touched and probably cry a lot: Celebrity Rehab on VH1. it's just so touching when all of them start talking abut their addictions. really, i cry like a baby when i watch that show. and, when I'm in the mood for a nice foreign comedy: Summer Heights High on HBO. I swear...after the British Office and Extras, its brilliant. I would be friends w/ Jai'me if I lived in New Zealand. 

and finally, clown baby and i apparently still have some of the same issues as we did when we lived together. i went over to the house today to look at a pair of skinny jeans and he played scratching post with my arm. now i have some beautiful little love scratches...i  feel like maybe its my personality clashing with his. i feel like i automatically bring out the feisty in people. is that a good thing? i think so...maybe i need to be more serious. 

maybe tonight when i go out i'll try out "super-serious shelby" and charm everyone i meet by being melancholy and brooding. 

actually...i don't think that will work for me. so, i'm not going to. decision made.  this is the second straight day its felt like saturday to me. i wish church really was tomorrow night. 

another blog soon to come about bronchitis...

i'm pretty sure i've had it.

so, i am currently, in my brain, formulating a very controversial blog about universal healthcare...pros and cons.

Pro #1: i could be cured of bronchitis.
Pro #2: niki could be cured of bonchitis.
Pro #3: all the people niki and i have collectively infected could be cured of bronchitis.

It looks like i'm in favor of universal healthcare.

(just kidding...this is a joke blog. i haven't adequately researched it enough to know one way or the other. don't jump up and down like nicholas feign and be like "WHAT? NO!..."

i'm taking my super-short lunch break to throw a shout-out to all the people who work in customer service and call people "honey" or "sweetie"

stop.

for the love.

nothing makes me more annoyed than 23 year old girls who work at starbucks and as i roll through say "hey hon!" and then "have a great day darlin'!" as i drive away.

I'm sorry, did i miss something? I definitely didn't order a side of condescension when i yelled my order into the electronic box. I purposely forgot to tell you that all i wanted was courteous, quick service and the "sweetheart" to be left off of any dangling sentence. I thought it was just something I got just for coming to Starbucks. Good service, good coffee, no pet names.

really...it makes me so annoyed. and it goes for acquaintances too. if you and i have met multiple times and you are still calling me "sweetie" "dumplin" or "princess"...really...do we know each other well? Nope, probably not, because if we did, you'd know my stance on the issue. So cut it out.

I know it a battle that will only ever be lost. I can't change the Free World to stop the pet names. I know its unrealistic and unproductive to complain about it.

Maybe though (just maybe) I can get Starbucks to put it in their employee manual that those words are outlawed.

That will be a victory.

i'm watching judah be tigress.

and zoe shoot out a full tablespoon of snot out of the snot-fountain that is her nose.

its the cutest thing ever.

and the best sunday ever. love it!

unfortunate news

bear grylls is married with two sons: jesse and marmaduke.

amazing names.

i'm a little sad that he's married.

another one bites the dust.

string cheese + bear grylls = the best saturday afternoon

so, i find myself having the most relaxing saturday afternoon doing absolutely nothing but eating a string cheese and watching man v. wild with the adorable Brit Bear Grylls. This dude is H-O-T. As i type, he's hanging from a vine dropping into a Panamanian pool possibly full of vipers.

w-o-w.

i'm in love. and in deep admiration for the kind of guy who just lives off the land...and tries to survive. i cannot imagine. if i were dropped into the panamanian jungle, i'd go into the fetal position and cry for my mom.

he's found a cave full of rabies-carrying vampire bats.

w-o-w x 2.

i was thinking just a while ago (when bear was stuck in the sahara desert) that i am really thankful for my life. I have amazing friends, a great job, a "vintage" car, and i don't feel guilty about having a saturday afternoon alone.

life is good.

i'm going to go google bear grylls and see if he's single. If he is, count me in the process of moving to where he lives.

and today is officially the kind of day that...

i would have my (decaf) starbucks or dutch delivered to me as i read vanity fair in my bed and then silently drifted back to sleep. my nose and throat are finally starting to drain, which, being that its a week and a half coming is great...but still makes me feel so tired.

who wants to go vintage poaching at another whim today? I have the itch to buy something. (i know, i know, its not in the budget...)

sweet justice:

Lightening hit the roof of JC Penney last Saturday during that crazy thunderstorm / freak downpour. According to the Record Searchlight, the lightening bolt struck a metal sprinkler pipe, which got so hot that it singed some of the roof's insulation and was only discovered after store employees called the RdgFD reporting of smoke. The store was evacuated. Unfortunately, JCP reopened the next morning.

If only it would've been burned to the ground...that would've made up for the years of torture inflicted upon me and those i love.

this is my best friend right now

sick and nasty, i know...but so needed. last night i downed half a bottle of theraflu "warming sensation" that seriously warmed my throat just as much as a good shot of scotch would (which i've never had...just my suspicion is that it would). I was out cold and so grateful for the temporary relief of the hacking and coughing.

At one point in these past few weeks, nearly every one of my friends has been sick. Being that it has infested my lungs much more than anyone around me, I kicked it over to Target and bought the above mucus relief and the theraflu yesterday. Because Niki is still struggling with this thing, I sent a pix message to her with the caption "drug party at my house later? :)" and then proceeded to send it to the wrong phone number. The owner of said phone texted back telling me he was interested, and then proceeded to call me and leave a message asking where the party was. Really? Do you really want to go to a drug party where the drugs are mucus relief and theraflu? I'm not interested in drugs at all, but that loser was over-the-top.

Needless to say, the "party" last night consisted of me drinking 4 tablespoons, watching half an episode of Dexter and falling asleep at 9pm.

Oh, it was gorg.

some days....

i love to not be called and e-mailed and just left alone to do my work.

i think today is one of those days.

so, unless you and i are friends in real-life, don't even THINK about calling or e-mailing me. If we are friends, come, wisk me away and save me from my job. Please.

i was at small group the other day...

and brought up the fact that during the winter, when a girl (meaning me) lets her hair down and her (leg) hair grow, she tends to find out that she only grows leg hair in patches.

what is with that?

If you were to look at my leg right now (the act of which may elicit two different responses from me depending on who you are..the first "HEY! WHO ARE YOU AND WHY DO YOU WANT TO SEE MY LEGS?" to those who i don't know and the second "sure, absolutely, look at my legs" to those who i know at least your first and last name.) anyway, i digress, if, lucky you in the second group, came and looked at my legs, you would see little spikies in patches along my shins. In further examination, these patches continue all along my legs.

what is with that?

is it because i've been shaving for lord knows how long, and by now i've conditioned most of those hairs to leave and never come back?

or, is it just that i have a freaky body chemistry and i am quite selective on where hair will grow.

lord only knows.

my primary question remains that will i pay less for electrolosis because i have less hair to remove than the normal girl?

which brings me to the first time i shaved my legs in an attempt to get rid of that unwanted hair on my gams. In my dads apartment, with his old bic razor. i did a combo wet/dry shave (don't blame me...i didn't know any better) At my first go-around, i positioned my shin in what i could only imagine was proper shaving position. Took my razor, put it by the top of my foot, and so quickly moved that blade up my shin that i watched the resulting trail of blood surface on my legs. That first go-around was followed by finding all the band-aids that i could in my dad's place, carefully positioning them so that they weren't afixed to any other scabs and walking not-so-confidently out of the bathroom as a not-so-freshly groomed woman.

yikes.

what would life be like if we never learned from our mistakes?

well, for one, my legs would be perma-scarred.

are you there jah its me ras trent

i woke up this morning to andy samberg yelling in my brain "me toil part-time at jah cold stone creamery".

what could be better than rastifarianism early in the morning?

today is a good day to be sick

and the reason today is a good day to be sick?
because i am.
and what is worse than being sick?
being sick at work.
i want it to be 2pm so I can go home and make my head stop pounding.

this is the view from my window:

I love storminess. Please, please, please God bring some thunderstorms to me?

hello ulcers

why is it that God's sweet nectar also comes with the added bonus of an ulcer? here's my problem...i get all hopped up on coffee and then i get too anxious, caffeinated, heart-murmury and sick because my stomach lining starts to burn.
why?
it hurts so bad. :(

this is why weekends are important...

because i don't think about work. I think about my personal life and how to make it better and more fulfilling.

Friday night: Vintner's Wine Cellar and the Eatery. Good times. I had my first half glass of white wine in about 4 years. It was pleasant. I watched Abby get accosted by a half-drunk cowboy who only wanted to twirl her around on the dance floor. She stood her ground though and no meant no. Got the giggles from a chainsaw-wielding masked man who came out of the haunted house near where we parked. He was trying to scare us, and he did succeed as someone in the car got freaked, but to me, its just priceless to look over at someone wearing a white hockey mask revving his chainsaw. I channeled Sarah and thought "seriously dude? really?"

Saturday: babysat. FUN TIMES! I love the kids that i babysit for...I will not name names to protect the innocent, but they are so much fun and I love being crazy with them. I think the thing that I love the most is that I'm just myself with them, i don't talk to them like they're kids, I talk grownup-ese with them, and as a result, I'm sure their cognitive and reasoning skills have gone up dramatically since I've started watching them. Well, actually, probably not, since they are pretty dang smart kids. However, I love it when I tell them something, and they see my logic, or find the humor in my sarcastic statement. They kinda make me think that maybe i do want kids. (well, them, along with judah and zoe who are just too cute for words...if i could have kids as well behaved as all of them, i might give it a go...)

Went on a walk with Juliette. Good times, although i dressed like it was going to be a fall-walk, and it was very much a late summer walk, which made my makeup melt off my face. boo. What is with global warming? Where does a girl have to move for a little taste of the 4 seasons? And, I'm not talking the restaurant. We are in prime-time fall here, and i feel like I'm missing out. boo x 2.



Stirrings message this week was the drunk elephant in the church. Ironic because on Friday I got the following little pressie from a client of mine.

Yes, that is a baby flask located right on top of the biggest bottle of petron I've ever owned. Shh...its a secret...I don't think I've ever really drank petron. I have no recollection of how its supposed to taste and I don't know if I will like it. Nevertheless, the baby flask with Big Sky Country emblazoned on it is definitely one of my most favorite little presents I've ever gotten. Its just so dang cute.

So, the drunk elephant in the church. Do I really think we have a drunk elephant? You bet your sweet ass I do. Do I love the points that Nate made yesterday, absolutely. For me, I love a good cocktail, a mojito, a margarita, a gimlet, an egg creme (actually, the last two are on my list of things to try before the year is out). But, I learned long ago that drinking is best done within the comfort of close friends. I don't drink to get drunk, but i love a good giggle. Ultimately, i think as long as I am not walking on this alcohol crutch, I'm in good shape. Good times...good words.

Here's a question though, are we going to cover the caffeinated elephant in the church? This morning i feel like a drugged up girl who dips her hand in coffee, rubs it onto the front of my gums and under my tongue so that i can get that caffeine sooner rather than later.

and, final tally: to tell or not to tell: to tell: 4.5, not to tell: 0. I've got some telling to do.

a blog to get me current

oh, hello my lovelies!
Well, these past few weeks have been so full. Here are a few of the highlights:

• Fireworks. Oh, happy day, last Saturday night Redding skies were finally lit up with fireworks, and this time, no backdraft warning! This made me super happy! I LOVE fireworks, so nothing made me more excited than to get dressed to the nines (well, not really, just in my uggs, scarf, puffer, and snowcap) and go out to the semi-damp field over at sequoia middle school, lay down on a blanket, snuggle up next to my favorite little fleck kids and be shocked and awed by the display. Next on the agenda: petition the HECK out of the Redding City Council to increase their fireworks budget by 100% so that next year we can have two fireworks nights: July 4th and October 18th. Now that I have gotten a taste for fireworks on random fall nights, my thirst will remain unquenched. (? does that even make sense?)
• Clown Baby. Oh, sadder day. He is now the clown that shall remain nameless. He's no longer my baby. Last night, I told Niki they should probably change his name b/c Clown Baby is the type of name I would name a cat and if he's not going to be my cat, he probably shouldn't have that name. I just said that "ass-clown" probably isn't the best name to keep calling him. He'll get confused and feel like he's not that important. Which he is.
• Antiquing. Delicious! The beautiful Tara is going antiquing on Saturday while i run around with the kids. (which also is one of my FAVORITE pasttimes!) I asked her to make a list of all the places that she goes...appartenly Shasta Lake City is a hub for antiquing, and as I have decided that 2008 is the year that I get some hobbies, I've also decided that antiquing and refurbishing items will be one of my hobbies. Unfortunately, it takes money, and right now, while i don't have tons, I do have some. So, in a few weeks, I'm going to take what little money I have and go bargain-hunting in the SLC.
• Budget: going well. I'm sticking to it. Although, I just made some Friday night plans with Abby to go over to Vinters and the Eatery so hopefully my budget will be enough to get me through a beer at each place and not send me into the poor house. Also, in terms of budgeting, I decided, since with my debt snowball, its going to take me til May 2013 to pay off everything (including student loans) I need to get serious about my budget and really take into account the things that I haven't yet thought of. Things I don't currently account for in my budget are: flights home during the holidays (super expensive! 300? what? i'd rather take the 17 hour amtrak ride up there), saving for my schwin so i can ride to work instead of pollute the air with my crazy insane gas-guzzler, CLASSIC 85 volv, gifts for things like christmas, birthdays, christenings and bosses day (oh wait, I'm supposed to get gifts on bosses day...awes.), my rafting trip to Chile (that i would rather do on my honeymoon, but as i am currently unattached, i'd rather save for it and do it while i'm young because who wouldn't want to go rafting in Chile) and many more things that I've yet to think of. So, really, i am a brand new budget virgin, and have yet to fully grasp how interwoven it all is with everything i spend.

In other news, it really is going to be until May 2013 til i have my debt paid off completely, taking into account minimum payments with the debt snowball. That's not too long, when you really think about it. And, I will knock off a lot of that when I get things like my income tax return, etc. Yummo. Remember in elementary school when you had those links of paper that would give you a visual of how many days to Thanksgiving break or Christmas break or summer break? I think i'm going to make one of those to when i'm going to be debt free. Its going to be 1650 days until May 1, 2013. I'm going to circle it around my apartment to be a visual on how close (or not so close) I'm getting. Boo-yah. (well, i won't really do it, because it will take a lot of time and effort to make it. But, if someone wants to send me a 1650-link chain, please do! :)

And, thanks to my new roommate, i have a hairstylist (which saves me on hair every six weeks) and she is a great resource for finding good shirts at Target. So, fashion and hair in one! i'm a lucky girl.

Finally, straw poll time: if you've been crushing on someone for a long time: tell or don't tell? Rejection or possible Love of Your Life/Honeymoon in Chile on a raft in class 5 rapids/possible death?

I really want to know the thoughts out there.

so, i'm looking for stuff to sell

its important to sell the stuff you own when you are trying to build up your savings. or so Dave Ramsey says. if you are my friend, come buy my stuff. or, if you have stuff to sell, send it to me, and then i can sell it and take all the proceeds and put it in my savings.

In other news today, I've never been SO EXCITED to be over with a day of work. Please, please, who out there wants to be my executive administrative assistant? I'll pay you well (in love and admiration) and you'll always get off on Fridays at 3pm. And, I'm a pretty good boss. I love to draw pictures of you while you work (they are pretty sweet...stick figures and such). I'll probably make fun of you a little bit once we get to know each other. And, in the end, I'll ask you to do all the stuff that I hate doing.

Sound good?

Great...the job is currently hiring (not really, don't ask me if I'm being serious, cause I'm not) and I'm looking to get someone in place by noon tomorrow. So, if your schedule is free, come on in. (Don't really come in, or else you will automatically be disqualified from the job due to inability to detect sarcasm in the written word.)

I actually have a really good idea for tonight...margarita's and the corn maze in Anderson. Who's down?

while the lighting isn't fantastic...

It still captures the essence of new winter short hair. (julie, get ready for a boo-yah count!)

Before!

After!
Boo-yah! Too bad I'm a cold-blooded person and i need to wear a scarf during all of winter. But, nonetheless, the hair is short and the cut is sassy and the best part was that the time in the salon chair was spent in my living room, watching the Hills and the much-beloved Hills Aftershow.

Thanks Rebekah David! you are amazing!

(and, also with this delicious quick before/after blog, you get the amazing observance that isn't it funny when weight loss/acne care/make-up infomercials do the before and after? With the first picture I can just hear the photographer telling them "just act like you feel like the worst person in the world, let your unhappiness radiate." so they pout, they don't smile, the don't look fierce. In short, they communicate "you would NEVER want to be me." But, then, the after picture is all joy and vitality and "i've never felt better about myself and have bought a life-long supply of product X that will now make me the better version of myself that i've always knew was possible, but just never experienced."

an update on clown baby

he's been ripped from my fingers due to the evil dictator of the CCA.
really, i just asked if i could keep him and the manager said no.
I'm crafting a strongly worded letter that will go over the following talking points:

• I've been crying off and on for three days straight
• I'm VERY attached to him
• he's been neutered; no "spraying" will occur
• I'll pay an increased security deposit asap
• I'll consider paying more per month and increasing my lease
• I've been crying a lot
• pending the decision, "we" may have to make a decision about what to do when the remaining four months of our lease is up.
• the crying was about three solid days of puffy eyes and running noses.

I don't know if this is going to work. I plan on googling "how to get what you want" or something along the lines of writing a persuasive letter. And, so, hopefully, they'll reconsider.

Its a lesson in sometimes you have to ask for what you want. And, sometimes, if the first answer is no, you have to ask a little more. And, then, if they still say no, you move.

Invaluable lesson, that one.

single, party of one.

let's talk about all those singles out there who are 20-something and still single. waiting, and waiting, and waiting. faithfully hoping that someday their time will come.

all around me, i see amazing girls. just last night, i was at my much-cherished small group where we do many things, chief among them watch survivor and big brother, but more than that, act as a support system for each other. sitting there, realizing that 4 of the amazing girls in the group are fabulous and miraculously single, i started to think about why that was and what kind of effect it has on our ever so fragile psyches.

Being single is somewhat like your next door neighbor/best friend that's in your kindgergarten class that kicks you in the shins during recess and even though you like her most of the time, because you are neighbors, you can't really get away from her during recess when she's looking for some shins to kick. You've got bloody shins, but its from your best friend. Ok, that example may be a bit convoluted. Being single is a mixed bag of benefits and drawbacks. But, why is it that more often than not, it seems like being single is somehow being deficient or less than?
Why is it that the topic of being single is not always discussed? Is it easier to not acknowledge the hurt that comes from being single for a little too long than to acknowledge and not have the words to speak to the situation? Is it too socially taboo to tell someone "buck up! you'll find someone too!" or is it that once you get married, much like a high-schooler forgets jr. high, you forget your single years and only on your worst nights, do you wake up with nightmares of what it used to be like when you were single.

where's the love? why do i search for something, some emotion from someone else, whether its friend or lover that makes me feel like i'm more than i feel when i'm by myself. my single, girl-power mentality tells me "no! you have to find your contentedness even while you are alone." my daughter of Jesus mentality tells me "no, whats more than being single, you are defined by the one who laid down his life for you, so find your contentment in that."

easier to say than do, i'm afraid.

I'm actually afraid of a lot of things. I'm afraid that the longer i go between love-intrests, the longer its going to take for me to trust someone.
i'm afraid that things that once defined my past will define my future. but even in this fear, i recognize that's the enemy. my part in my past is my past. I walk in the freedom afforded me through the love of Christ and his forgiveness and grace.
sometimes the things that i am afraid of are not even verbalized until someone speaks Truth over me.

my friend juliette spoke to the core of my being about 2 months ago. she spoke over me that i don't need to be afraid of sinking into the background, of not being noticed. (in fact, for me, i think that's probably NEVER going to be a problem for me...that's just not my nature, nevertheless, its still something i worry about very much.) She told me that whoever that great man of God turns out being will notice me. That I won't be overlooked. What a weight off of my shoulders, and a huge encouragement to me that even in my daily life, the things that I worry about have already been acknowledged by the Father and he's got it covered.

All that to say, I'd rather this time be one of two things. First, I'd rather it be over. And second, if number one isn't going to happen, I'd rather just be content and truly epxerience a life that is lived to its fullest.

I pray this season, no matter how long, will be one in which we, as parties of one, cling to the Lord, allow him to define us, LIVE LIFE to its fullest because I am a firm believer that we are defined by what we believe in and the sum of our experiences. What's most, I pray this time prepares us for what's to come and that we can be an encouragement to those around us. We are not alone. Even in the dark moments, you are not alone, I am not alone, we are NOT alone.

As an aside, today is a raw sort of day for me. I don't feel adequate to work through all the emotions rolling around in my head and heart. They aren't bad emotions. And, believe it or not, most of them do not stem from being single. I started this blog simply wanting to express some of my feelings about being single. In no way was this meant to be a bash against married people, or calling people to the carpet on inadequacies i see around me. Not at all. Mostly, i was just expressing some of the thoughts that go on in my head surrounding being single. But, while my day has gone on around me, sad things have happened, new beginnings have begun and i'm just a little sad. I need a sunset and sunrise and need to begin another day and have hope around me that this new season will be good.

get ready for the crying game (and I'm not talking about the Irish Republican Army)

it may be time to give Clown Baby away. cue: tears.
yesterday we had a minor emergency at my apartment which turned into Homer discovering Clown Baby which turned into a massive ulcer in my stomach because now I officially have to ask him if I can have a cat (definitely a LOT after the fact).
Its a good process to go through...I'm being more honest with Homer and if he says yes, then I won't have to be terrified of Clown Baby getting in the window any longer. But, if he says no, I'll have to ship off Clown Baby to a friend (2 blocks away) like a little Great Depression kid whose parents needed to entrust him with someone else for a little bit.

Will he forget me? Maybe a little.
Will my "to scratch love on her arms" scratches heal? Definitely a lot.
Will my sleep be uninterrupted and free from fear of being pounced on during my sleep? Fo-sho.

Ultimately will it be better for him? He'll be loved just the same. He may get more flicks on the nose at his new home, but that will make him better behaved...

All questions I have to wrestle through as I face the real possibility that I have to give up my first born.

RIP Clown Baby. cue: more tears. (I'll post pictures soon...)

i made a budget, i made a budget, i made a budget, hey hey hey hey!

So, folks, you are looking at the most responsible 27 year old out there.

well...maybe not! but I'm getting more responsible. Last night, i went through and spent a good 2 1/2 hours on setting up my own personal budget. Some highlights from the evening:

1. I realized that i am more responsible than i initially thought i was. I actually have been working off a skeleton budget for 6 months, just not being diligent to note where every penny is going.
2. I started putting aside money for entertainment (which before i just spent off-the-cuff) and clothes (which, if I'm honest, I don't spend NEARLY enough on...just wear my stuff until it wears out). I'm so excited to have money set aside for clothes...it'll help me be diligent to actually buy clothes. AMAZING!
3. I started putting money aside for that devil of a surprise bill: the car registration. Oh, when that day comes, I'll yell "boo-yah" at the DMV because I'll already have a good chunk saved towards the volv registration.
4. I swatted Clown Baby for getting all up in my budget business. (Trust me, that was a highlight for me.)
5. I realized that in FPU language, I really am a nerd. Surprising, but true. Actually, all the ex-boyfriends out there would probably agree with the news that i'm a nerd. But, I love it. Being a nerd is so fulfilling to me because i feel like i have a handle on things. I know where my money is going, and if its not in the budget, tough crap. Wait until next month. Boo-yah x 2.
6. I realized I don't have to live with the lie that i need to wait until i get married to get my finances under control. I can be a financially stable single girl with no relationship in sight and not have to be the damsel in distress financially. Boo-yah potential suitors. Take that!
7. I started seeing what life will be like without debt. Its gonna be AMAZING! And you know, I'm going to enjoy the process of getting there. I could be super bitter, but I got myself into this mess (while enjoying the ride), so I'm going to take the tough route out of this mess and I'm going to enjoy myself here as well. Life's too short to not find the good in my situations and enjoy myself along the way. Bring on the good times!

So, what I'm really saying is: I'm going to start a Financial Peace University rival: its going to be Money Relaxation College (found at http://www.shelbyschwitters.com/moneyrelaxationcollege) and I'm going to do budgets for everyone (I charge $300/hour). Yes, its a hefty price but I justify it two ways. A: you need a budget. B: I need money. So if A and B are true then that leads to the conclusion that C you need to pay me to do your budget so i can pay my stuff down.

Any takers? (don't actually click the link...it was just a joke!)

its the first rain of the year

and, unfortunately, i didn't get to call in sick and enjoy it.
why?
cause it started raining when i was at work!
one of my previous blogs stated that i would call in sick the first rainy day of the winter. i even told my boss yesterday that when the first rainy day came, she shouldn't expect me to come in, to which she replied that it was going to rain tomorrow and i better be at work.
well, i was and it did.
so, after work, i fully intend to put on my socks and my birk clogs and my much-beloved puffer and go down to the sundial. i will romp around in puddles like rompings never been done before.

and, side-note: this morning i cracked. i called off the moratorium on spending and went to starbucks for a psl. (again, i say ptl for the psl!) Shortly after i brought the drink of life back to work did my other boss call through and ask for starbucks orders from the rest of my coworkers. I could've gotten a free drink if I'd been patient. instead, i was fidgety and thought i could do the best for myself by doing everything myself. I just spent 17.5% of my budget on a delicious coffee drink and pastry. that, combined with the Tylenol is 30% of my budget. Oh well. I'm not starving...i just need to learn a little patience.

fpu

and, side-note, i'm thinking (and briefly entertaining the idea) of posting my consumer debt on my blog, for the mere reason that seeing it public like that will be SO MORTIFYING that i will not be able to live with the shame, and will have to do something about it.
i'm a firm beleiver in the principle that when people know your secrets, there is a sense of release that comes from that. suddenly, that part of your life...that shame doesn't carry weight anymore, becuase its common knowledge, and you identify it and make strides in a positive direction.
so...i'm thinking about it. i don't know if i want to be known as "that girl with the low savings account and one too many credit cards" though.
i'd rather be known as "the wise financial steward who is a multi-millionaire by 30." but, i don't think that is going to happen so easily.

do you ever have mornings when you don't really want to go to work?

i do.
more like, i have mornings when i am late to work, and then the same morning turns into a morning where i don't want to start working.
so, i sit at the computer.

• look at blogs. maybe comment on blogs.
• check my bank account balance. (get angry at financial peace university for making me do things that are really hard, but good for me anyway.)
• check my envelope balance. (I spent 12.5% of my budget yesterday on tylenol at target. Niki says i needed the tylenol (she's right...hello pms!) and it'll last me for a long time. i agree. but that doesn't stop me from getting angry that now i only have 87.5% of my food budget left. I'm going to try and not spend any of it. It'll be my food/david kahn jean budget (or food/michael kors purse budget). because, if i don't use it for food, then i can save it, get skinnier the good, old fashioned way mom used to, and then i can buy jeans. and, i'm "saving" for the jeans...which in essence is a fpu principle, right?!?)
• search the internet for places i can sell some of my shoes (to build up my 1000 emergency fund).
• check blogs again.
• clean my desk off.
• ignore some phone calls, but promptly check my voicemail.

and finally, at 8am decide to make the committment to start work that day.

dang it. who said working was all it was cracked up to be, especially on a day like today, when i would've loved to just stay in bed. (side-note: whoever becomes my main man: he better like working smarter, not harder, so that we have enough quality time, and i can work for the fun of it...that's my dream...let's see if it will happen)

and, here's my forewarning to the world wide web and all those on it: the first day it rains in redding, i'm calling in sick that day. that's a day for pure enjoyment. i'm going to put on my rain jacket (the one with the fuzzy, furry hood) and go down to the sundial, and walk around and get sopping wet. So don't try to find me if its the first day of rain...unless you want to come out walking with me in your rainjacket. Then, by all means, holler at your girl. We'll get wet, and potentially also the first colds of the season. what could be better?

me and tim.

so, for a while now, I have been seeing this really nice, down syndrome kid (maybe 19 or 20) in our apartment complex. I know he lives near the front of the complex, but don't know if he lives alone, or has family or what.
all i know is that usually i will see him ever few days, wave at him and then drive off.
not this morning.
this morning, i was running all too late, realized that the trash in both the bathroom and the kitchen needed to be taken out, so, good roommate that i am, i grabbed them on my way out the door.
immediately when exiting my house, there was my down syndrome, front-of-the-complex friend, very intently putting things in the dumpster.

Me: Good Morning. What do you have there? (putting my garbage in the dumpster)
Friendly down syndrome front-of-the-complex friend: A vacuum. it broke.
M: that's too bad. (turning around to go back to my car)
FDSF-o-t-CF: They always break when i get them home.
M: you should take it back and return it. (walking closer back to my car)
FDSF-o-t-CF: Hey, what is your name?
M:(turning around) Shelby. What is yours.
FDSF-o-t-CF: Tim
M: Its good to meet you Tim!
Tim: I am real sleepy today. I'm coming home at 3:30 because I am so tired. Maybe I can come over and sleep with you tonight.
M: (smiling) Thanks Tim, that's really nice. I think I have to work late though tonight.
Tim: I have a lot of Cd's in my room. You can come over and see them. Can I come over later on.
M: I'll have to check with my roommate... Have a good day Tim!
Tim: you too.

So, i now have a good friend named Tim. I don't think I will be around for him to come and sleep over, but at least I have a friend to look for and wave to!

the stock market

what i really want to know is: if the stock market dies, will someone please forgive my student loans?

wishful thinking...

Andy

For those of you who know all my work ins and outs, you will be as surprised as I was to hear that my true love, Andy is getting hitched.

He told me at the most random moment on the phone, almost as an "oh, and by the way, I'm getting married on such-and-such. Don't schedule me the few days before."
"Oh, ok, Andy...sure...you are getting married...right."

Sure enough, Lauren is now about to be the proud wife of the man I love. If only I had taken him up on his offer for me to come, marry him and move away to our own private island.

I missed out...

its PSL time at Starbucks...time for a trip back in time

and all i can say is PTL! I love the Thanksgiving-themed Pumpkin Spice Latte and its quickly approaching counterpart, the Eggnog Latte.

Delicious!

I think the main reason why i love it so much is that it reminds me of a climate that has real clear distinctions between the season. (Is "distinction" the right word? I don't really care...) Anyways, it reminds me of Seattle in the fall/winter.

It brings me back to going on pseudo-dates with my high-school pseudo-boyfriend. I say pseudo because he and I were always "best friends" but we always (and I mean always) hung out on Friday night...no keggers for me at Carkeek Park, no partying after Blanchet's football games, I was going to "hang out" with my "best friend" Mike Parker. And, seriously, this kid was so cute. I miss having him in my life, if even just as my best friend again. Anyways, romantic, rose-colored visions of the past aside, we would always jump in my car (cause I don't think he could drive yet...cradle robber I am) and drive 10 minutes down 15th Ave, and be spit out right into the heart of downtown. We'd park at Pacific Place because, back then, parking on a Friday night was $2 no matter how long you chose to stay (those were the days!). We'd usually go to see a movie (no hand-holding, but definitely by the end our shoulders were touching!...i know what you think, I'm such a tramp!) and afterwards take in a Starbucks on the 3rd floor of Pacific Place, looking out onto Nordstroms from the outside balcony, all the while discussing what movie we went to see, what we liked, what we didn't. It was there that I (secretly) fell in love with Mike Parker and (not secretly) gave my heart way to the Egg Nog Latte, and had my eyes opened to a love of film. I think that if he and I would've seen "There Will Be Blood" together, it would've been the perfect date movie. Awesome score, beautiful cinematography, and the internal conflict of the main character would've provided us with hours of in-depth psychoanalysis. But, then again, maybe not. Maybe he would've hated it, and then I would've spent hours trying to psychoanalyze him about why he didn't like it.

Anyways, all that to say, here's to my favorite backdrop of young love: Seattle in the winter, and to my favorite non-boyfriend aka first love Michael Todd Parker. With this first PSL of the season, I reflect on how much each of them meant in my life, and am grateful.

Lassen!

So...first adventure of Summer 2008 camping happened this last weekend. It was gooooooood times. I was a little sad that it is September and this was the first time getting out and about, but hey, when forest fires threaten those campsites, its probably not a good time to go and pitch your tent.

The drive up the mountain was short...good talks make for short drives. We quickly arrived at our campsite...one of the only ones left at 530pm on a Friday. We were lucky that we got a choice spot near the bathrooms (which, FYI, were some of the nicest camping bathrooms I've ever seen! Mirrors! Flushing toilets! Ooh, la la!)

First destination after setting up camp: Bumpass Hell. The boardwalk. (Not to be confused with the boardwalks in Jersey...this variety is decidedly more smelly and with less carnies.) The hike over was surprisingly short, which i was grateful for, as we were getting going around 7pm, and as we were hiking the sun was setting. We finally made it over to the sulphur pits, experienced them in all their glory, did some glamour shots, read any and all informational signs and then scurried back up the hill at twilight to get back to the car. Glamour shots follow:

Admittedly, for about 20 minutes during the hike back from Bumpass to the car, I was super-scared and anxious that we were going to get stuck hiking in the dark. After a few minutes of walking by moonlight, I realized it was no biggie, and relaxed into the experience. After all, people hike Lassen in the moonlight, so hiking back from Bumpass Hell shouldn't be that big of a deal...

Which gave me the best idea ever! I proposed to Holly and Elaine that we go back, make dinner by the campfire and then wake up early, ascend Lassen by mornings first light and see the sunrise on the mountain. As we hiked back to the car, we grew excited about this idea.

We got back to our campsite and made our way to the cooler to pull out the weenies we had brought to fry up. 10 minutes later, Elaine had fired up the pieces of her old fence she brought as firewood and we were ready to burn those suckers up. Dinner came and went...delicious. We sang happy birthday to Elaine and as we all snuggled down into our sleeping bags for the night we realized that we had no way to wake up at 5am, and so decided that if one of us woke up, we would attempt to summit early, but if not, it was OK to wake up at a normal hour and then get going then.

It was such a pleasure, after a night of being almost too cold, that we slept in just a little bit. No early rising, no summiting to see the sunrise. That achievement is left for another time.

Nope, we woke up to the sound of owls making their owl-y noises and birds chirping. After sleepily exiting our tent, Holly went scrounging other campsites for a left-behind log so that we could burn it for our morning coffee. We ate bagels and go-gurt, packed up, and made our way over to the Lassen trail head.

We started the summit attempt at 10am. Here's a picture of me (internally) freaking out at the picture of what is before me:

Now, I am one who likes to know what is ahead of me, both figuratively (in life) and literally (at Lassen). Being that I had never attempted to conquer the mountain before, I kept on asking veterans Elaine and Holly what it was like. Apparently 2.5 miles of switchbacks and a 2000 feet vertical climb. No sweat! I could do that in my sleep! Well, actually, I couldn't, I'd have to be fully awake...but I digress.

The ascent, when in my slow, taking many breaks style, was easy. Yeah, the air was thinner than I am used to, but all in all, it was a good time! I would do it again in a heartbeat. What made it easy also was the fact that we were not the only ones who were climbing the mountain that day...we saw people of all nationalities and walks of life. Kids with their dads, high-schoolers on class trips, Grandpas and Grandmas who were slowly making their way to the top. It was nice to see so many people doing what we were doing, albeit at their own pace. Doing it at our own pace:

We made it to the top, explored around the summit for a little bit. Holly was right: it does look like the surface of the moon (if I would imagine what the moon's surface would look like). We picked ourselves a nice little perch, ate our lunch and talked politics. (Here: I am absolutely fascinated by political talk:)

I pulled out my Us Weekly which had an article on Sarah Palin's baby (or is that her daughters baby? who knows...). After lunch, and a quick bathroom break, we were ready for the trek down. It took us an amazingly short time to get down the mountain, and when we finally got back to the car, we checked the time, and realized we had been up there for 3.75 hours. The estimated time for the round-trip is about 4-5 hours, so I was happy that even with my slow pace, we were able to be better than the estimate. Boo-yah 4-5 hour Mt. Lassen trekkers. We're better than you.

We jumped in the car, putting in the "Hairspray" soundtrack, and quickly I was experiencing surround-sound singing to "Hairspray"...well, holly and Elaine singing, I was just listening and humming at the more memorable parts, as I've only seen the movie once.

Next stop: Subway Caves, 15 minutes outside of Lassen National Park, recommendation from Mel and Charlie as a "must do" when in the area. We made our way there, and once arrived, dressed warmer and put back on our tennis shoes, as the cave floor promised to be a little more uneven and the temperature in the cave was a cool 46 degrees. Yikes! We headed towards the entrance, and a nice woman who had just exited the cave stops us and offers us glow sticks to use as bracelets. Should we get separated, we'll be able to see each other!

My headlamp and E's flashlight came out, as we made our way to the stairs that would lead us to the cave.

Now, here's where the story gets hairy. We get down to the cave...its actually really a sweet thing to do, until someone in your group (Elaine) mentions that this would be a good lair for a serial killer to hide out in. At that moment, as we are walking, huddled closely to each other, I start thinking about serial killers, and immediately, my headlamp starts going dim, and Elaine's flashlight is turning that familiar shade of orange that means that we are just 2 minutes away from battery-exhaustion and utter darkness. And, all the while we're wearing glow-stick bracelets that will automatically announce to the serial killer waiting in Lucifer's Cul-De-Sac that we are coming his way. (Lucifer's Cul-De-Sac is an actual location in the cave...scary.)

So, I did the only thing I knew how to do. I got angry at Elaine... and told her that this is how people die in the wilderness. They go into situations thinking that they will be OK, but then their equipment is faulty and then they die. Was I being a little dramatic? Heck yes I was. But, I was not down with getting a)killed by a serial killer in Lucifer's cul-de-sac or b) freezing to death because I can't find my way out of a pitch-black cave. So, we turned around and she took this picture of me that will remind her that joking about serial killers in scary pitch-black caves is NEVER a good idea, EVER!

Here's to Holly and Elaine: great camping buddies who make everything just a little more fun.

ich liebe deutsch

Sie Kerle, ich verpasse sprechendes Deutsch so schlecht. Ich liebe die Artikulation, ich liebe die Geschichte, ich liebe Geführten Lola Run.

Für meinen Geburtstag oder Weihnachten bekommt jemand mich Deutscher von Rosetta Stone, so dass ich mich mehr in der Berührung mit meinem Erbe fühlen kann?

Ja?

being face-to-face

sometimes i get lost in the rhythm of life:
wake up
shower/get ready
work
work
work some more
come home
play with clown baby
hang out
sleep
wake up
(begin again)

lately, i am LONGING for something outside of the routine. something that makes me feel alive. whether that's getting outside of the flow of Redding, or changing everything up and doing nothing the same than how i do it now, all i can say is that there is a yearning to do things differently.

I think when I start feeling that this, it's due to not being diligent in how I walk daily with Jesus. I get lost inside myself, become completely self-centered and self-absorbed, and in His subtle way that is full of grace and love, he reminds me that something about living dependent upon numero uno (meaning myself) is not satisfying. I need to be dependent on someone bigger than myself to give me identity, to give me joy, to give me those things that are the cries of my heart.

so, I was sitting at church this last weekend...listening to Jenna BRING IT during worship. she usually does bring it, but this time, i felt the spirit rocking in the room, rising up, and so i started praying, and oddly enough, the only prayer that felt real and felt truly necessary was "Jesus, break my heart." Sometimes, I feel like the only way for me to actually feel something is to feel too much. To be so overwhelmed by an emotion that you can't ignore any longer. (If you haven't already guessed, I think one of my biggest struggles is complacency.) So, my prayer is that Jesus would rock my world, so to speak. To jar me out of the routine, and get me to a place where I am always face-to-face with Him, living life with my best friend, doing things His way, and not always my own.

So...now, I am just waiting to see when the Lord is going to take my heart and totally transform it into something different...perhaps more tender to his voice, definately more dependent on Him.

And, for all of you blog lovers out there who think: "this girl must be technologically retarded", its true. just wait...page customization is coming. a girl only has too much time out of the sleep, work, hang out, sleep routine to put time and effort into her blogger. pray for me, that those things that are so essential to my daily survival will become my number 1 priority. (and i don't mean blog customization.)

(And, in other news, I'm going camping at Lassen this weekend. Yea for being a mountain mama.)

ESA and the lunch connundrum

Today, in the rush to leave home and get to the office at a decent (although entirely all-too-early) hour, I forgot to grab something to take for lunch. Pay attention to this fact, as it sets the stage for the early afternoon drama that I found myself in the middle of.

I genuinely like my job. I work for Executive Scheduling Associates where I basically am a scheduling associate for executives...hence the name! Part of my job is calling all over the United States, including the east coast...hence the leaving the house at all-too-early hours of the morning. My days usually start at 7 (or if i am being really on top of my game 6am), so right around 10 or 11am I usually start to get so hungry that a mid-morning snack/full-blown frozen TV dinner (of the SmartOnes variety) is necessary. I have been known to stick lasagna in the microwave at 930am. I know...freaky. I run the risk of people looking at me like I am a nerd, but the alternative (being a starving lunatic) is a lot less worse.


Today, as I am at the office, painfully aware that I forgot my lunch, and equally aware that I still have three hours of calling left to do for one client, I go to the mini-fridge and survey its contents (none of which I brought in, so why I am surveying them, heaven only knows). I settle on opening the freezer door, and see this marvelous SmartOnes (one of the best frozen dinners a single girl could ask for). Turkey, gravy, stuffing and mixed veggies. Not necessarily what I would've chosen when I was at the store and putting things in my cart, but hey, convenience breeds necessity. And, at this time, I was ready to gnaw off my left foot and chew on that.


So, I need to give you a little background on this particular dinner that was located in our staff fridge. Its been in there so long, that it should've had its own phone extension and benefits package by now. I can't remember a day when it was not in there. At least a good three weeks this dinner has stared me in the face every time I open the freezer door. Most times, I stare right past it, eyes locked on my own dinner, pull that one out and expertly cook it for 4 1/2 minutes on high, turn 1/4 turn, then another 4 minutes on high, let sit for 1-2 minutes. (Its almost as difficult as duck confit, except duck confit only requires an extra 3 minutes on half heat.) This time, however, when faced with this forgotten, left-behind delicious turkey dish, I had pity on it. I debated for about 2 minutes, talked it over with another co-worker and finally decided that if someone had not eaten it by now, it wasn't going to happen.


4 minutes on high, 1/4 turn and 1 minute later, I was enjoying a feast. In fact, it was so good that I reconsidered my prior opinion about choosing it the next time I visit my local FoodMaxx.

So, my stomach is happy, my clients are happy (because I am no longer a raving lunatic waiting to bite their heads off because they are being retarded)...the world is good.

Until, I hear, off in the distance, "Mom...? Someone ate my dinner." It registers in my brain that the dinner that my boss' daughter is referring to was none other than the SmartOnes Turkey Buffet that i just practically inhaled not even 20 minutes ago. Mortification set in and I hid in my office for a gut-wrenching 20 seconds until I could no longer stand it.

Confession time. I told poor Alyssa that I ate her dinner, and that it was truly delicious, and that next time, if she wanted her dinner to be there, to not leave it in there for days and days and days.

Just kidding...actually, I apologized and told her I will replace it. But, part of me maintains that there has to be some sort of free-for-all limit on frozen dinners.

I'm going to work on writing it into the ESA Employee Handbook.

because its always good to examine one's life...

i figure with someone who has professed a love of blogging, i better pick up the pace. Two blogs in 2 weeks? COME ON! (picture Gob Bluth yelling here.) Here are my top ten summer moments, thus far.

1. Mel's birthday party at Logan's: sitting outside on the patio, myself and some friends were having fun laughing at me acting like a cat who'd just gotten declawed (picture those high quality cloth napkins that Logan's has, wrapped around my fists and my white nubs "walking" across the table to the delight of onlookers.
   


2. First round of packing the Fleck's picture frames. I suck at packing. Enough said.
   


3. Art Hop! Words cannot express how alive it made my heart feel to walk around downtown with art happening all around me. Not to mention the beautiful boutiques with the amazing merch that i will be able to purchase if and when I become either a) a trophy wife or b) an independently wealthy career woman.
   


4. New cell phone! Thanks Verizon for the hook up. I love the Voyager! (not Star Trek Voyager, which actually, I did used to like, but the LG Voyager). Touch screen, mobile tv...so many more accoutrements than I'm used to my own puppy-gnawed motorola Q. In fact, i was so jubilant that i threw away my old phone in the trash!
   


5. Growing out my toes for manicure purposes! I know this sounds gross, but one of my favorite parts of summer is having cute colors on my toes. Although, those who know me best know that I fail to have color on my toes all the time, but when i do, its a great joy to look down and see cute little nails. So...long story short, please don't think that i am unhygenic.
   


6. Jake's bbq: i like it when old friends come back and give us a very good reason to throw a rip-roaring party, complete with much too much laughing and all those big balls on Wipeout. Its always good to let the hair down a little to celebrate people's presence in our lives.
   


7. Small group: ladies, ladies, ladies: fun times! If only Big Brother, Wipeout, Survivor, ANTM, Top Chef, the Office, 30 Rock and all those other shows were on each week. Oh wait, they are. Thus, never a reason to stop meeting, eating popcorn and raisenettes, guzzling diet soda, and taking breaks to discuss how we are doing, and what we are stuggling with. If only I can win the BB pot! COME ON DAN!!!
   


8. NEW ROOMMATE! Welcome Rebekah Grace David! Anyone need a hairstylist? Call my roommate, she's the bomb!
   


9. Charter... and the reason why I can blog in the first place. The guy who installed it was so nice, although when my MOXI box (Tivo's ugly step-child) started foaming a pancake-like substance out of the bottom of mybox, that was a little disconcerting. Ah well, we are trying again and will get it right!
   


10. The day the fires began. Oddly enough, I know this may sound really insensitive, and believe me when i say that I am not thankful for the fires. But the weather that day...AMAZING. I am a bona fide fan of lightning...just not when it strikes forests and burns down California. Boo on that.
    

And, due to my Gob reference, I am in the process of writing top 10 Arrested Development phrases that must make it into my Fall, 2008 phraseology. Nothing can be better than adopting some of the best dialogue ever written.

tivo and how its ruining my life

I have this crush...a MAN crush. I recognize that being male is implied in my use of the word "crush", but this guy is a MAN, all dignified, in-charge. dare-I-say "older". He just has this aura of awe around him. The kind of beauty that makes you stutter when face-to-face and in conversation with him. He's a total crush-worthy specimen, and every day that I see him, I always think "dang it! why did I have to wear this to work today?!?!"
This morning, I woke up with that special feeling. I knew this would the one of those crush-days. He comes into my office to visit someone in the building, and inexplicably, I always know when the crush-day is a-coming. Its like i can feel his aura around me, ready to make an appearance.
So, this morning, when i got ready for work, I did it with extra care, being super precise. Just the right amount of eye shadow (too little: school marm, too much:trampy). Did my hair cute (or so said my roommate, the soon-to-be-licensed hairstylist and guru for all things chic in hair up-and-coming. I even made sure my toes were properly manicured (actually, this last one was him fortuitously catching me on the right day...i hadn't made it around to anxiously picking off my nail polish yet).
Throughout that entire morning, i kept waiting for him to arrive. (tivo reference: if this were on TV, i would've tivo'ed the whole interaction and I'd be watching it tomorrow, fast forwarding through the crazy boring parts of the anticipation).
Finally, around 1pm, he came. Dressed-down enough that its apparent he really knows how to dress 5up. Friendly laugh as he enters the building. Be still my beating heart! I guess he was in the office to visit someone and go out to lunch because minutes later, i see them leaving and the pass by my window for a small second of time.
Now, here's where i wish Tivo was something more than just for TV. As he walked past, i searched that left hand for something shinny or matted, anything that would signify a life-long vow to another lucky woman. But, what should happen? Did i see anything? No...i didn't. And, not for lack of trying. He apparently is also a gold-medal winner in the speed walking Olympics. He was in my line of sight for a total of 2 seconds, not nearly long enough to try to ascertain if he is a part of a pair.
Here's the kicker...I actually reached for a remote to press the skip back button, so that I could skip and pause. But, astonishingly enough, no button really does exist! Horror!
So, pretty much, I'm annoyed that Tivo can't diversify its market to human brains.

And, also, I found out toward the end of the day that he has a girlfriend. Damn.

Inaugural Blog: an Ode to Blogging

Well, e-world, I've finally done it. Become a producing member of the blogging sphere. I have to tell you, I love blogging. Some people have described blogging as logorrhea (def: verbal diarrhea), done by those who have a specific need for those around them or those never met to know what they are thinking. For passive-aggressive people out there, blogging can be a way for those of us to get our irks out in a non-threatening way. (When i need to vent a little passive-aggression, i simply go online to craigslist missed connections and let it fly.)

However, for me, I love blogging, yes I do, because it helps me to reflect on my life in a way that reminds me that:

1. i have way too much fun than is necessary. (side-discussion: can one truly have too much fun? i don't think so, but I'll leave it up to you to decide.)


2. i love sharing my quirky times with those around me so that you can laugh too. (side-discussion: bringing over my blogs from myspace to blogger. worth the time? those were some dang good blogs, if i don't say so myself.)

For a long time, I had resisted going over to blogger from myspace. While myspace is so comprehensive in attempting to get at a person's personality (side-discussion: myspace pages really are how you want to be perceived), my blogs on myspace are complimentary to the rest of my profile. Kinda like "hey, these are my pictures! Hey, oh, there are my friends! And, there, for your viewing pleasure, is my blog, all my random moments and thoughts on the things I encounter on a daily basis. Moving over to blogger, however, now is only about what i write. Am i defined by what i blog about, how often i blog or how good I am at blogging? No...not really. But i still can't get over the fact that it is a little intimidating. When I start something, i want to be the best. So, the perfectionist in me screams: "you will never be one of the favorite blogs on blogger's main page! so why even try?" Well, I try because often, the joy is in the process of trying and failing, or, what's better, trying and succeeding. So, perfectionistic tendancies be damned. I am going to write in spite of them.

And, to answer my previous question, i think i will bring over my blogs from myspace. Or attempt to, at least. To give you, my viewing public (which in reality is probably only one or two of my friends) a background on my life. And, selfishly, so i can read all those old blogs and laugh again (and again).

In unrelated news: when I was blogging today, underneath my text box it has a "labels for this post" option and the examples of good labels are "scooters, vacation, fall". Being my first time to blogger, I've never experienced labeling a post, and who knows, its probably always those same three words. However, today it strikes me as funny that two of those, when paired together, have had such an impact on my life, specifically scooters and fall (not as in the season, as in laying it down). Love that scooter. Love the bum knees that i have because of the scooter.