single, party of one.

let's talk about all those singles out there who are 20-something and still single. waiting, and waiting, and waiting. faithfully hoping that someday their time will come.

all around me, i see amazing girls. just last night, i was at my much-cherished small group where we do many things, chief among them watch survivor and big brother, but more than that, act as a support system for each other. sitting there, realizing that 4 of the amazing girls in the group are fabulous and miraculously single, i started to think about why that was and what kind of effect it has on our ever so fragile psyches.

Being single is somewhat like your next door neighbor/best friend that's in your kindgergarten class that kicks you in the shins during recess and even though you like her most of the time, because you are neighbors, you can't really get away from her during recess when she's looking for some shins to kick. You've got bloody shins, but its from your best friend. Ok, that example may be a bit convoluted. Being single is a mixed bag of benefits and drawbacks. But, why is it that more often than not, it seems like being single is somehow being deficient or less than?
Why is it that the topic of being single is not always discussed? Is it easier to not acknowledge the hurt that comes from being single for a little too long than to acknowledge and not have the words to speak to the situation? Is it too socially taboo to tell someone "buck up! you'll find someone too!" or is it that once you get married, much like a high-schooler forgets jr. high, you forget your single years and only on your worst nights, do you wake up with nightmares of what it used to be like when you were single.

where's the love? why do i search for something, some emotion from someone else, whether its friend or lover that makes me feel like i'm more than i feel when i'm by myself. my single, girl-power mentality tells me "no! you have to find your contentedness even while you are alone." my daughter of Jesus mentality tells me "no, whats more than being single, you are defined by the one who laid down his life for you, so find your contentment in that."

easier to say than do, i'm afraid.

I'm actually afraid of a lot of things. I'm afraid that the longer i go between love-intrests, the longer its going to take for me to trust someone.
i'm afraid that things that once defined my past will define my future. but even in this fear, i recognize that's the enemy. my part in my past is my past. I walk in the freedom afforded me through the love of Christ and his forgiveness and grace.
sometimes the things that i am afraid of are not even verbalized until someone speaks Truth over me.

my friend juliette spoke to the core of my being about 2 months ago. she spoke over me that i don't need to be afraid of sinking into the background, of not being noticed. (in fact, for me, i think that's probably NEVER going to be a problem for me...that's just not my nature, nevertheless, its still something i worry about very much.) She told me that whoever that great man of God turns out being will notice me. That I won't be overlooked. What a weight off of my shoulders, and a huge encouragement to me that even in my daily life, the things that I worry about have already been acknowledged by the Father and he's got it covered.

All that to say, I'd rather this time be one of two things. First, I'd rather it be over. And second, if number one isn't going to happen, I'd rather just be content and truly epxerience a life that is lived to its fullest.

I pray this season, no matter how long, will be one in which we, as parties of one, cling to the Lord, allow him to define us, LIVE LIFE to its fullest because I am a firm believer that we are defined by what we believe in and the sum of our experiences. What's most, I pray this time prepares us for what's to come and that we can be an encouragement to those around us. We are not alone. Even in the dark moments, you are not alone, I am not alone, we are NOT alone.

As an aside, today is a raw sort of day for me. I don't feel adequate to work through all the emotions rolling around in my head and heart. They aren't bad emotions. And, believe it or not, most of them do not stem from being single. I started this blog simply wanting to express some of my feelings about being single. In no way was this meant to be a bash against married people, or calling people to the carpet on inadequacies i see around me. Not at all. Mostly, i was just expressing some of the thoughts that go on in my head surrounding being single. But, while my day has gone on around me, sad things have happened, new beginnings have begun and i'm just a little sad. I need a sunset and sunrise and need to begin another day and have hope around me that this new season will be good.