Its the schwitt...

it all started this morning...

2009-10-02T09:38:00.000-07:00

Day of silence needed. Had a rough morning, got to work, and updated my FB status to " RIP Infrashine. you helped me out a lot. i'll miss you."

Danielle commented: Oh no...sad day. Moment of silence...
I replied: more like a day of silence. lots of tears.
Danielle replied: lots of tears and not so-straight hair...double whammy!!
And back to me: i got whammy'd.

And, we moved to im...

Danielle: I'm so sorry about your loss
Danielle: I pray that you will find comfort and peace today
Shelby: thanks.
Danielle: feel free to mourn your memories togethere
Shelby: its been debilitating.
Shelby: i'm going to have a funeral/wake for it.
Danielle: remember the good times you had
Shelby: there were so many
Danielle: try to remember infrashine like she was when she was young
Danielle: don't hold on to those last few moments when things got ugly and sad
Danielle: I'm here for you...
Shelby: thanks. our last moments were so sad... its just like "what is wrong with you? you are barely warm. why?!?"
Shelby: and then...the flood gates.
Danielle: LOL!!!
Shelby: i'm gonna blog this exchange.
Danielle: she's in flat iron heaven now
Shelby: she is.
Danielle:she's a consistant 400 degrees
Danielle: all the time
Shelby: that's the only thing that gives me solace...and that i'll see her someday. she's waiting for me.
Danielle: always providing her companion with smooth, straight, undamaged hair
Shelby: yeah, i mean, its for the best. i'm just so selfish. thinking all about me. what am i going to do now? how is my hair going to get stick-straight. why is this happening to me now?
Shelby: its just thrown my day all upside down.
Danielle: she's flat ironing the hair of unicorns and Pegasus now. be happy that she's free. because in flat iron heaven...there are no cords or plugs
Shelby: that's right! she's unhinged.
Danielle:this whole convo just made my morning
Shelby: ok...instead of a wake/funeral, we will have a celebration service.
Danielle: I could go on and on...LOL
Shelby: i know. lol. gotta laugh to keep from crying, right?
Danielle: right...it's the only way to heal and move on to another flat iron relationship
Danielle: she would want that for you
Shelby: she would. she was always so free with her love. she knew if she wasn't the best for me, she'd always step aside. maybe, she was just coming to the realization that she couldn't help me any longer, and she committed suicide so that i could move on.
Shelby: why prolong the inevitable, you know?
Danielle:no no...don't think that way
Shelby: i mean, why else.
Danielle: she would never intentionally leave you like that
Shelby: (the tears are starting again)
Danielle: it was just her time
Shelby: ok.
Shelby: that's right. i just wish i could've said good-bye
Danielle: guess what I just found on our database
Shelby: what?
Danielle: a person named "Jabin"
Shelby: LOL.
Danielle: almost like "Jobin"
Danielle: LOL
Shelby: catch ya later jobin
Danielle: you did watch that movie right?
Shelby: totes mcgotes!
Danielle: LOL
Danielle: see ya later on the mangees
Shelby: lol
Danielle: ok, I need to work
Shelby: OK. bye.

random thoughts from my spin class.

2009-08-08T12:22:00.000-07:00

here's a few basic rules:

you are going to sweat. if you don't sweat during spinning, there is something physcially retarded about you.
because you are going to sweat during spinning, you should use the towel that Sun Oaks provides to you when you hand them your keys.
you should NOT leave the towel on the floor by your gym bag.
you should NOT forget your hair tie which then allows your hair to become a sweat-soaked sponge.
And...now...the most important rule: you should NOT shake out your hair during the middle of the song and shower me with your sweat.

Nasty. Ugh. So inconsiderate. I nearly dry-heaved during class yesterday.

i've had some pretty killer ideas lately

2009-08-01T08:38:00.000-07:00

not "get rich quick" schemes, per se. more like things that i think the world should have..but doesn't yet.

Flashback a month. My roommate. Turning 25. What to do? Chello...Great America! It was totally my first time going to Great America. I felt like a little giddy girl...running around the park getting my hair all frizzed out on the rides. Epic.

Idea #1: the world needs my themepark. Picture this: Shelbyland... "its the SCHWITT" would be the motto. I see a huge archway, flanked on both sides by the big balls from Wipeout, and a constant stream of park-goers queued up to try their luck. Already, as you are walking in, Shelbyland gives you immense joy, as you see person after person fall into the water after they inverted their body in unnatural ways while flying through the air. What could be better than that? Probably a good 99% of themepark lovers would be pissed because there would be absolutely no kiddie rides. This is not a place for wusses. If you want to ride here, you sign a medical waiver that any injury you incur at Shelbyland is at your own risk...you could very well receive a slipped disc from the Extreme Teacup ride that i plan on manufacturing...but that is what you need to consider before you sign up. Can you handle it? You have to be ready mentally and physically. Oh, and sidenote: the restaurants in Shelbyland only serve cheese, diet coke, beer and menthol cough drops and we don't allow outside food at all. You'll be frisked and made to throw all food away prior to entering the park.

Flashback again: 2 weeks ago. i had just had the most earth shattering, joy inducing, emotional experience at coldplay. like, i DIED. (next stop on the list of bands to see: MUSE. douche-bags aren't playing in america though until 2015 it seems. ugh.) anyway, saw chris martin and sang about not wanting to follow kevin or his friends at the top of my lungs for at least a good two hours...worked up an intense sweat punch-dancing and screaming like a hysterical fan when CM got within 150 yards of me. I was seriously derranged and it was the best night of my life.

On the way home, Derrick, Danielle and I had the best conversations...Niki had fallen asleep, so she was down for the count (i think seeing Chris had lulled her into this euphoric state where there was nothing to do but sleep...precious.) But, here is where the good ideas start.

Idea #2: MEOW-BOP. Like Kidz-Bop (my favorite retarded venture where adults pay small kids to sing songs that Justin Timberlake creates about my humps and lumps, so that mom's can play it in the car with their kids and not feel guilty about playing booty-shake music around their impressionable-young-minded babies...totally a fan of kidz-bop. i have one of their cd's. its a fav.) But, here's my idea: MEOW-Bop...for cat enthusiasts. It'll be a cat choir, meowing, hissing and generally making the same noises as whatevers on the current Top 40. Picture this: Boom Boom Pow is "meow, meow, meeeeow"...omg. i'll be a millionaire. Derrick was totally on board. I think Danielle needed a little more convincing, but seriously, we'll rake it in. People love cats, people love music...what could be better?

Flashback to a few days ago: working my cute little butt off...and i start thinking about how to make facebook better. I mean, facebook in and of itself is a pretty positive venue. You only have the option to "like" things, can't "dislike" things (or people...which is unfortunate). So, how can facebook be better.

Idea #3: I'm serious...let's make Facebook for Toddlers! Introduce a Preschool network so that all our 4.5 year olds can connect with all their other friends. Now...as i was walking Clover Creek today with Elaine, we started to talk through some of the logistical challeneges of FBP. First and foremost logistical challenge: child predators posing as children. I won't go into the details, but Elaine and I (well, mostly me, but she was there) have come up with a highly-sophisticated idea combining the collection of a handwriting sample from our Toddlers to ensure age accuracy. Again, i can't go into the details, but let's just say that we do consider the writing implement used (fat crayons are more "toddlery" than a nice felt-tipped pen) and fludity of strokes (what toddler has perfected cursive). I'm confident that we'll be able to weed out the fakers from the real prescheoolers. Second logistical challenge: do most toddlers know how to use a normal computer? I mean i know that toddlers are more and more tech savvy. Judah can totally school me in Leapster...I'm a straight retard compared to him. But, do they really just grab momma and daddy's macbookpro and start typing away? No...probably not. So, thus, the FBP has its own new FBP computer. Picture a Mac...but with HUGE buttons with a "like" button, and a bunch of happy little symbols like a smiley face, and a sun, and butterflies and trees. And, so instead of stringing together coherent thoughts, they can comment on their friends walls with a picture of a cute little bunny. Its kinda like the Jitterbug cell phone for old people, but in computer form for toddlers. Everyone following me? Then...the creative juices really hit. Elaine and i were talking about target launch dates...i said probably Feb of 2010 i'd have these things hitting the shelves. But, then i got to thinking...there's no way we can't get it done by October 2009...just in time for Christmas baby! Let's rake that cash in. And, Elaine, being a marketing genius mentioned the fact that Tickle Me Elmo will be a thing of the past. Or...does it need to be. FBP Tickle Me Elmo computer! It has an Elmo icon on the top, and you can send your friends "tickles" back and forth, and when you get one, your computer starts to shake!!! Oh, gosh. You guys. Someone needs to PAY me for all the great ideas i'm putting out into the universe.

I'll keep you all updated on how we come along in the product development of it all. I mean, needless to say, i'm going to be pretty busy...with casting cats for Meow-Bop (i'm looking for cats with raspy, sexy voices ONLY), and then testing the rides for Shelbyland (and drawing up the nutritional info for all the cheese-items on the menues), and getting w/ Elmo's people to see if they can invision what i invision.

Its tough being me.

i laughed at these things during the last 24 hours.

2009-06-17T08:04:00.000-07:00

dub bringing over his ABNORMALLY LARGE flat screen so that we could watch harry potter. seriously... roommate...good choice.
radical face: "coming home"...makes me want to cry. i'm a sucker for a good manly wail.
one of my clients told me that he was going off the grid for the next few days, to which i asked him "are you literally off the grid...like not using electricity and eating organic and all that stuff?" to which he replied: "
"ya, i have devised and built a small coal powered electrical generator using twigs and mud and am recycling my urine as a coolant. i am harvesting milk from mountain goats, osprey eggs an baby frogs for sustenance. i feel very good about my new found green commitment and making amends for my carbon footprint last year.
good times"...it made me laugh so much.
and speaking about being green...dub also left his organic eucalyptus (?) soap...i'm in love. this soap is amazing. i want to go to orchard, buy it in all sorts of flavors, and buy the lifestyle that comes along with it...i really do want to live more organic...have a compost heap, get a bike, fix solar panels to my roof... I think i have a mini-environmentalist living in me that would love to be more exercised.

here's to Wednesdays...they are good. its half-way through the week, and i'm happy about that.

i have a new baby

2009-06-10T09:14:00.000-07:00

baby ulcer, that is.

yea!

thanks work!

and three cavities from all the coffee i drink at work, which, coincidentally, has contributed also to my throbbing stomach ulcer.

and, while, i have gotten a TON done in the last few days, my other work has been piling up on me, so now that i've gotten one major project done, its never enough...still soooooo much more to do.

Sometimes, i wish that everything that I had to do was written on a piece of paper. (not a list) but that every item was its own piece of paper, and i had an acutal inbox, and mountains of papers on my desk, and as i got stuff done, i could watch the pile decrease!

instead, its just little red pop-ups on my computer, and emails in my inbox with subjects that read "DANGER: TASK DRASTICALLY OVERDUE (do it now idiot!)"

somehow, that's not as motivating to me as throwing away a piece of paper would be.

i'm going to take a minute out of my crazy day...

2009-05-21T14:06:00.000-07:00

after i took an hour out of my crazy day to have lunch w/ danielle at the bandito...

and i'm going to blog.

about getting things done at work: it makes me feel like i actually deserve to be paid. that is a good feeling.

about the fact that sometimes i'm happy that i don't live near too many of our employees because they would surely want to hunt me down and kick me in the uterus after some of the e-mails i send them...

about summer...because today is the kind of day that i would play hookie and leave everything to go lounge by the pool.

about financial peace, because someone is going to have to restrain me this weekend...cause i want to go shopping.

about trader joes and sushi and fresh raspberries and about the fact that i need to do some sort of master cleanse and part of a master cleanse is eating right in the first place, and part of eating right in the first place is shopping at Trader Joes and not food maxx.

about star trek, because never once have i wanted to travel in space until i saw zachary quinto and chris pine and thought, "well, if that is in space...its my final frontier" be still my heart.

about beth moore...because she certainly is angry that i've neglected my bible study lately.

and about harry potter, because that dang 2nd book is occupying the time that beth more should be occupying. boo harry. but, mandy's making me read them in time to see the next movie with her, so i can't let mandy down. i just have to find more time in my day. my priorities are so out of whack.

like why i'm taking time to blog and not to work. boo shelb...boo.

the most preciousest moments

2009-05-16T10:55:00.001-07:00

are stolen moments with the babies. today, derrick and danielle are doing stuff around town and so i'm hanging out w. the kiddies, watching alice in wonderland. (aside: i was never a big fan of alice in wonderland...there are parts which are so scary!)
just as the movie began, zoe finsished her juice, came over to give it to me, and as she walked back to her bean bag, i said...
me: hey zoe
zoe: what?
me: i love you.
zoe: mry mub you.
i love her english right now...you can tell she's trying so hard. she gets the phonetics of words correct...i liken listening to her like playing that game where there are all those common phrases but they are spelled differently (obviously i can't remember the name of the game, or else i wouldn't have felt the need to ambiguously describe it...). when listening to zo, you have to just imagine what she'd probably be saying in the context and then just go with what seems most probable.

life updates:
nothing much to note. i'm excited for the summer...if only i could get paid without having to work. payday is my most favorite day. i love spending a few minutes with my budget binder figuring out how much i need to put into savings (sidenote: i'm getting super frustrated with myself...its almost like i view my savings as my neverending clothes fund. "i can always pay my savings back next paycheck...i really need summer clothes or a month of tanning or insert-must-have-item-here" really?!?! really, do i really need everything that i think i do? no...that's what got me into this mess in the first place.). so...savings has almost been completely replenished from the failed trip to Seattle...and now its back to paying off the scooter. I almost think it may be wroth it to get it in semi-running order, drive it out to RYS and get them to fix everything that needs fixing and then sell it...instead of fixing everything myself. i'm not much of a mechanic...although i like to think i can do anything, sometimes i just can't. with roommate and D&D reminding me this is the season to sell it, i really do need to get it done asap.

I'm always surprised by my procrastination in my personal life. Usually i will put something off if i feel like the thing i need to do is too difficult, or put off talking with someone because i feel like i've failed them...its totally a personality flaw. As i found with registering my car after it hadn't been registered for a while, things usually are not as difficult as I make them out to be in my mind. I just need to get to the point where i just go ape and attack my problem. And that's when i find that my problem isn't that bad...no reason to be scared...just do it.

I just sneezed two times. Do i have allergies? I wish. That would be fun. Sneezing always has been my favorite activity...its just so fun to sneeze. I wonder...does anyone feel the same as i do about sneezing?

Rodeo these past few days...i think i'm glad that the rodeo is done for the year. Its fun when it comes to town, but in the grand scheme of things, I can only deal with too many rodeos. Its always funny to me that you don't see any cowboys at these things who come from New York or Seattle or San Francisco...its all rural Oregon, Cut Bank MT (which is near Shelby MT, in case you really wanted to know...), Cottonwood CA, and all the other UT and ID rural areas...I wish above all that there was just ONE cowboy from Seattle. I would maul him. Well, as long as he's tall and blond and has been around enough Southerners to have a little bit of an accent. I would die.

I wish Sun Oaks was free. And i wish that tanning was free and good-for-you i.e., no chance of premature aging of the skin or skin cancer. And I wish toucan tans had longer hours and more parking.

This is quickly becoming a "things Shelby wishes for" blog:
zoe will always talk like she does now
an emergency fund that won't let me withdraw any money from it
a fixed scooter
a sold scooter
allergies
a cosmopolitan cowboy
free gym membership
tanning with the promise of enough parking and no negative ramifications

Ok, this blog is slowly getting out of control. I'm going to stop now before i start rambling about truly random things, as if everything prior hasn't been random enough.

ALthough, one more random thing: can i just say...i love paying cash for things...Not using my debit card as much anymore has been a budget saver. And, i love when i get change back and then roll my change. If i've learned anything about myself in the past few years, its been that i'm a true nerd. Gotta love it though...

here's my shout outs:

2009-05-04T08:00:00.000-07:00

to...

walks home in the rain from survivor night, smelling the asphalt because it had just rained.
bagels and amazing race yesterday: i loved seeing my friends. derrick and danielle and crazy kids...nothing made me laugh more than dressing judah and zoe up in my scurve (judah-speak for "scarf" waaaay back in the day) and having them run around manhattan like crazy kids with turbans and darth maul masks on. oh man, i love you guys.
the rain yesterday. torrential downpours. nothing like a freak-act of nature to remind me that 1. i'm ready for summer and 2. i really do love winter and the rain, even though sometimes i complain about it. the best part about it...opening your door and watching everything, all the old crap, just wash away.
my roommmmmmmate. I'm sorry i give you temptations that you can't resist (peanut m&m's). the reality of it is, you have to be stronger. if you can't take my bringing peanut m&m's in the house...what are you going to do when i graduate to almond m&m's...or what is worse...almond kisses! omg...stormy seas ahead.
abbreviations. someday, i'll just write 1 letter sentences and people will have to know that "t" means "thanks for keeping me in the loop on that." for now, i'll settle w/ omg and btw and ptl and all the other ones that i keep locked up in my crazy head.
cute bff necklaces. which one to choose? which one to choose???? just kidding...i lvoe them both. There is room in my heart, and around my neck for two necklaces.
golfing. Toot, Nathan told me that you want to go golfing!!! When?!?! I do too...mini golfing totally, aqua golf, maybe...Any sort of golf, definately. :) Let's suck at golf together!!!
The idea that in 8 hours, i get to go home, clean up the house and just relax...that, dear ones, is what is keeping me going.
my outfit today. i'm usually not a very vain person, but my outfit today is a total throwback to my wardrobe 1.5 years ago, and while i wear versions of this outfit every other week, i'm just so happy with the outcome this morning. it just works. if you are lucky, you'll see me around and be amazed at it.
being back on the fpu wagon. not going to seattle was a good choice...at least financially. (and in many other ways, but better to save that discussion for my big day) i have no extra money right now, but i rest in the assurance that everything is paid, things are getting paid off, and that i really do want for nothing. God is good in that i haven't had a late fee for ANYTHING for the past 8 months or so. and to come from a place of everything being late, to God providing for my needs in such a tangible way...it just makes me grateful. and, God-willing, i'll have the determination to get all debt taken care of in a year or so. and then...who wants to buy a house with me??? oh, ok, i know, that's crazy. but, i'm thankful. and really, i don't know that my first big purchase would be a house. it'd probably be a tv that's as big as my living-room wall...like i've heard Jared Belden has...and then we can give Tyler's back to him. Oh well...

Here's my non-shout out:

to my uterus. stop. just stop.

can i just say...

2009-04-29T14:01:00.000-07:00

there's nothing more relaxing than doing something that you've felt pressed to do for a few days and finally getting it completed?

i've been trying to work on being a procrastinator...for the longest time, i put the "pro" in procrastination...always thinking i'll have more time to do what a i need to do tomorrow. But, then i came to a realization: i never have more time, so i may just as well get things done now, rather than let them accumulate and then they get too large in my mind and i never do them because i feel so much pressure.

can we say perfectionist? geez...i totally am.

anyway, today is a good day...i feel like i got a lot of things accomplished and i feel a sense of victory in that. Wonderful!!!

If you see me around town, give me a high-five for not procrastinating. (and them remind me why you are high-fiving me, because i'll probably forget why and think you are a freak who just likes high-fiving.)

ode to tyson

2009-04-24T07:39:00.000-07:00

i will miss him...the hottest human being that i've ever seen in my life. however, well, these last few episodes he got a little crazy intense and needed a little bit of an attitude adjustment.

what is coach going to do without his assistant coach? what is debbie (aka cougs) going to do without her younger boy-toy? its all too sad, really. i'm going to do a little cry...and then be done with it.

in other news, when i came into work today, realized that all the support staff was not in, either taking the day off, or sick. it felt a little bit like the days back in bechelli when it was just me, keri, mitch and steve (and angela). Today, though, quiet office environment to fully concentrate = the best Friday gift someone could give me.

thanks jesus.

so, who knows how to golf?

2009-04-19T16:13:00.000-07:00

I need to learn how to golf, and fast.

There may be an opportunity in the next few weeks to play my first 18 holes, and i need to know how to play. Well, let me re-phrase, i need to at least learn how to fake knowing how to play...to learn enough to get me by. I will do this in two ways: first: mini-golf. this will help me with my shortgame. knowing how to putt is going to be my key to success. Accuracy...not force. Mini-golf is my answer.
Second way: aqua golf to work on my driving. Nothing better than hitting the crap outta a couple dozen balls to work on my driving form and power. Yikes...if its anything like pool and frizbee golf, the minute i start concentrating on doing well, i'm going to start playing like crap. My goal, while playing, is keeping my focus off the game so that i can just do amazing from the get go.

Bingo.

everybody's working for the weekend

2009-04-07T06:10:00.000-07:00

i know this shouldn't be my normal default...just passing the time until its the weekend, but i can't help it...i am.

its my birthday week...happy birthday to me! i'm so jazzed that i have Friday off...lots to get done in my life before Friday comes.

things to get done:

the volv is in the shop today. don't worry, preciouses...nothing bad will happen to her. she's just getting a little tune up...making sure some of the things that she needs to run well are in tip top shape.
hair time on wednesday...hello more blonde! thank you roommate for being a kick-ace hairstylist.
i was going to join a gym for the summer...mostly because i miss spinning like the dickens. and, while xtreme fitness is a great cheap alternative to any other gym in the area, i remember, over these past few weeks, why i ABHORE them...they call...and call...and call...and tell me (via voicemail because I NEVER pick it up) that i signed on to an e-mail list requesting info (which i didn't), and then they keep calling. Multiple times during the day, which clues me in to two very important facts. 1. they are disorganized. i can just imagine that they have some list that people call off of, and when the first shift gets in, someone calls me, and then, again, when the second shift people come in, they call again, just to make sure...which leads me to my second point: 2. they are desperate to the point of being annoying. we've all had that friend that just calls and calls and calls, without much effort on our end. urgh...it makes me so annoyed when i see them calling. next time, i'm going to answer and kindly tell them that i don't go places that stalk me over the phone. just a general practice of mine. so...off to find another gym that has alternating spinning and yoga classes each day of the week. it may just be sun oaks time again.
i have another big day on Friday...lots to talk about and dialogue through...actually, tons running through my mind right now. if it weren't for my roommate listening to my incessant ramblings and occasional tirades, i don't know what i would do. if you don't know my roommate...get to know her. she's pretty dang awesome. come to think of it, i should go out to coffee with my old favorite roommate julie...Um, Tut...want to do coffee soon? I know you read this, so i expect an answer forthright. (old english is always a tradition of mine...i used it around the time of my birthday, and not for the rest of the year.)
i have to write a birthday blog list. i'm putting this one off..mainly because all the things that i want are either really retarded (the lady gaga cd...i know, i know...i just love it) or really mundane (best buy gift cards...so i can buy the lady gaga cd). i'm feeling social anxiety because i have to write this list. actually, in the grand scheme of things, i'm going to embrace this as a good exercise in self-appreciation and exceptance. we didn't talk about that last Friday, but i'm also trying to supplement my therapy with other therapy terms and ideas and giving myself homework.
i want to go shopping this week for more cute summer dresses. i can't help it...i'm in a summer dress kind of mood! i want more cute things! But, the big question is: can the budget handle it? Maybe it can...maybe it can't. Where's my financial peace accountability partner? Take my debit card out of my hand!!! :)

And, well, that's it really...doesn't seem like a lot, but it feels like tooooooooooo much. Acutally it doesn't. Just feels like more than i normally accomplish, but hey, i can handle it...I can handle it. (I'm practicing my positive self affirmations.) I can handle it.

Ok, i know i sound like a freak...if only you knew how kidding i am. Kidding...but not kidding.

Let's get 'em!

ladies of leisure

2009-03-27T07:56:00.000-07:00

Yesterday i left work around 3, 3:15 because i had completed absolutely everything that i hoped to accomplish.

Drove the volv home, and as i drove home, wondered if the mail had come, and if it had brought me anything interesting. (Checking the mail has become a new hobby of mine...now that i'm not scared anymore about all the bills that come in the mail, i find getting the mail to be an exhilerating experience.)

So, as i drove into the parking lot, i see the mail truck. Bingo! Maybe my UsWeekly will have come...or the PGE bill so that i can update my budget.

I parked, went inside, and put down my stuff, all in anticipation to go right back outside to get the mail.

And, as i opened the door, i realized something...the only people walking to check their mailboxes at 3:15 on a sunny Thursday afternoon are the silver-haired bettys who live alone in the apartment complex. Sersiously, there were 3 oldies-but-goodies walking and driving to get their mail.

So...i laughed at myself a little bit...as i had just joined their club. And started singing B-town's "All My Single Ladies"...and imagined what they would look like as my backup dancers if i were ever to do a music video to that song.

Scary.

its not really a weekend away unless...

2009-03-24T14:18:00.000-07:00

the person left in charge of your most precious possessions locks the youngest in the car.

sorry derrick and danielle.

but, to be fair, she did have a jamba juice so she was good to go for sustenance. and, i didn't panic under pressure...i just called niki and asked her what the password is to unlock the doors.

all in all, there was about an extra minute that she spent in the merc.

good times.

i'm watching the little mermaid with the kids right now...

2009-03-23T13:02:00.000-07:00

and the favorite comment from judah so far is....

"i didn't know that crabs could talk!"

hells yea CA

2009-03-19T08:06:00.000-07:00

thanks for sending me my tax return 1.5 months behind schedule!

And, in other news, i woke up this morning thinking, "if i were ever to own large amounts of hamsters, i would name their living quarters Hamsterdam."

update on the weekend

2009-03-16T07:25:00.000-07:00

the softball game as fun, albeit uneventful. (no, the scenario in my mind where cute counter boy sees me from the outfield, throws his glove off, runs into the stands and wisks me off my feet did not occur...still, a girl can dream.)

nite life: probably the best one i've seen in a long time, and it really made me want to go and find my backstreet boys and 'nsync cd's. man...they had talent.

sunday: i have a sinking suspicion that i'm a closet rock star...ROCKBAND! because it was my first time playing and my coordination is not yet where it needs to be, i can't play guitar, bass or drums, so i decided to be the singer. i definately hit my stride during the long notes of "eye of the tiger"...who knew i could hold those notes so long? Black Betty is a song that i'm going to need to work on.

and, birthday plans revised: i just want a barbeque or something. if wipeout would be on tv, i'd want to watch that. If you want to come to my birthday bbq, feel free. All are invited. There are probably only two people that aren't, but i don't think they'd want to come anyway. It'll probably be on or around the middle of April.

a nice, leisurely lunch, followed by some witty banter

2009-03-13T13:48:00.000-07:00

the best...

Ok, so here's what happened to me today. I LOVED this interaction that i just had...mainly because it was so funny to me.

Work, work, work, and now its 12:30p. Hunger pains. What to do? Go to lunch w/ Niki!

Swing by the bank, withdraw my money for the next few weeks (clothes, food and gas...thanks Dave Ramsey) and as i get back in the car, we have to decide where we are going to go to lunch.

Niki's previous idea about Jamba Juice didn't sound particularily appetizing so i suggested Great Harvest...the best bakery in the world. I love going there early in the morning, smelling the bread, drinking a nice peet's iced latte and getting a free slice of bread.

Well, as we walked in there today, i was bowled over by this amazing pastry that they had on the counter. Come to find out, it was freshly-baked marionberry pie, of which was broken up into little cups of heaven, free for the tasting.

I was offered a sample by a guy who worked there. (inner dialogue: "who is that? I don't recognize him? he's outgoing...he just offered me pie.")

I accept with a enthusiastic "shut up! i love marionberry pie!"

homeboy is silent. He took me literally.

(inner dialogue: ok, he's got a sense of humor. i like that...finally someone comes out to play with me...i love sass.)

i tell him i didn't mean it, have my little sliver of marionberry heaven. niki orders her sandwich, i order mine, banter, banter, pleasantries, pleasantries.

Homeboy walks away to get our tea and water, and as he's vacated his position behind the counter, one of the older guys who works there comes up to usand asks us if we had tried their marionberry pie. I tell him no, we weren't offered any. He walks away, and me and Niki just laugh about the whole exchange up until now.

Older guy comes back out with forks and more pie, and says, "you have to try this pie." And, now, i get apologetic, and explain that really, i was given pie, and it was so very delicious. The best i've ever had. He offers me another sample, and being a girl who loves a little pie, i accept.

As out sandwiches are being artistically created, we go out and find a seat. I choose a half-sun exposed beauty of a table and we sit down to sun ourselves and lunch.

Here's where things get interesting...we get our sandwiches, eat and as niki's finished her sandwich, cute (oh, did i mention he was cute?) guy comes back out and, while taking niki's tray away asks how things were, if we needed anything else, and then looked at me and asked me if i wanted more pie.

(inner dialogue: "again with the sass! can i just please have a guy who teases me in a fun way? that attribute so attractive.")

I told him if he wanted to give me a whole pie for free, i'd gladly take it. He smiled, told me he'd work on it and walked back inside.

I finish my sandwich, and as i'm done with my sandwich, he comes out again to tell me that he checked with his manager and that they are playing a softball game tonight at big league dreams and that if i show up at the game tonight, he can give me 10% off. I take a second to clarify: 10% off on the entrance fee to Big League Dreams or on the pie? Cause that is a big difference. Its $2 to get into the park and the pie is probably around $10...so really i w as being given either .20 or $1...its a big difference that deserves a little clarification (thanks again Dave Ramsey). Nope, not the entrance fee...i'm by myself on that one. I could get 10% off on the pie..

I ask him what time and which field. "7pm, Wrigley". I ask him how i'm going to get my 10% off and he tells me that I'll have to find him after they are done. How am I going to find him if i don't know who he is, so I ask his name, he tells me, and i tell him mine and that i'll be there. He walks in, Niki has a good laugh and i do as well, as this is probably the most random lunch experience i've ever had.

We continue drinking our teas and waters, enjoying the sun and just basking.

After about a good 20 minutes, cute-counter boy comes back, asks us if we need refills on anything. I decline. (too much water is bad for the skin, i've heard.) Niki does get some more iced tea.

He comes back out with her tea and tells us that he talked with his manager further, and they made the decree that i can only have the 10% off if i get the pie now, and that essentially absolves me of having to go tonight. I tell him that I really was planning to go to the softball game, and that, unfortunately, i can't take the pie with me back to the office.

He doesn't beleive that i'll come and i tell him that i really do love live sporting events, and he says they play really poorly. I tell him i'll probably spend the time laughing at them, and i really laugh when people get hit by balls. He tells me he'll get hit by a ball on purpose.

I laugh, and niki and i get up to go, and as we are walking out, we acutally run into one of the other guys who works there and he asks us if we are coming tonight. Affirmative, Great Harvest, we will be there. No need to wonder...this is a fact.

We laugh as we go out to the car...its the most funny lunch encounter i've had. (Its my theory of pherimones in action.)

And, really, despite what Great Harvest thinks, I really will be going. Because really, i do love Big League Dreams softball, and i love being stubborn, and heck, a girl's gotta have some fun.

So, come out to Big League Dreams tonight, 7pm at Wrigley Field if you want to see at least one cute guy get hit by a ball. It should be good times.

sometimes it takes me a while to get up in the morning

2009-03-11T06:59:00.000-07:00

well, not literally "to get up". i do that pretty quickly.

jump out of bed and run to the bathroom to dive in the shower.

it takes me a long time to mentally get up.

I've noticed something though. its easier for me toget to work and start immediately if i've been working overtime earlier in the week, or if i go to bed thinking about work and i wake up thinking about work. if that's the case "getting up" is totally easy.

But if not...if i'm thinking about my life when i'm waking up in the morning, well, then it takes me forever, a day and 3 carmel macchiatos to actually be mentally present.

In other news, i'm nearing my 2 year anniversary with my first client. What a crazy two years its been. He makes me want to drink sometimes, but i love him.

And...now that i have woken up by writing this blog, and drinking my first carmel macchiato of the day, i'm going to go make calls on that first client of mine.

3 days until the weekend. I gotta say...i'm excited.

i'm watching the kiddies right now

2009-03-07T09:53:00.000-08:00

judah tells me to write "zoe is crazy. judah is awesome."

i ask "anything else?"

judah tells me to write: "zoe is crazy. judah is fun."

i ask "any last words?"

judah says "well, probably write zoe...zoe, zoe, zoe, zoe. how come you are not writing zoe? oh, there it is. you are writing zoe."

then he made me read it a few timeS TO HIm. (and zoe had fun with the caps lock key.)

sometimes, i play out scenarios in my mind of what would happen if i went ape on people...

2009-03-05T15:15:00.000-08:00

certain people...not just a random ped on the street. (that would be jacked up if i just went bananas over some person walking down the street.)

yes, certain people who have the insane ability to rile me right up. I don't like being rileable. Its not one of my proudest characteristics.

But, this morning, i got all sorts of riled up re: someone.

What did i do?
had a 10 minute cry. (I hate crying at work... it takes me back to the days before i worked at my current job...days of stress, frustration, incredibly unrealistic expectations and feeling like no one really gave a shit about me.)
mistakenly hit a "reply to all" button on an e-mail, and sent an e-mail to some of the people i manage that i shouldn't have...and that makes me feel like a prize retard because now i look weak and technologically-inept.
breathed
talked to my favorite client, talked to one of my favorite friends (two seperate people...), laughed a TON at them and with them
wrote down the number for the Spa Downtown and at 10am (promptly) made a call to schedule a 90 minute massage...which commences in 1 hour and 45 minutes.

and 20 minutes ago, called to apologize to the person who riled me up regarding my reactions that occured this morning.

All things considering, i think that's progress.

and this will be my last post for the day...

2009-02-25T06:49:00.000-08:00

the lonely island boys (andy samberg and his crew, possibly to include T.Pain) are coming out w/ a new cd.

so, now, if you want to jam to lazy sunday or ras trent, all you have to do is put in your iPod buds.

it's a great day to be alive.

And, actually, a really great day: Space Olympics will be on the album too.

the changeling

2009-02-24T10:06:00.000-08:00

i wanted to post this yesterday, but i got sidetracked from it by watching a lady stomping grapes fall and writhe and moan on the ground.

hysterical. thanks Derrick. (Side-note, i told the girls at small group yesterday about Wipeout. i can't wait til its back on. that, friends, is the best show EVER conceived.)

I watched the Changeling on Monday night with Danielle...AJolie was nominated for an oscar for her performance in it, so even though the oscars had already occured, i thought better to watch it and to say that i had seen at least two oscar contenders. that way i'm less biased. (On Sunday night, i was totally rooting for the Reader, but that's because it was the only movie i had seen...next year: goal: to watch all the nominated films so that i can make a fair and impartial decision.)

so, i had initally wanted to see the changeling based on the previews. shelby quirk: i don't like reading the back of movies in the video store, or if someone asks me to go see a movie and i don't know too much about it, i won't ask around and get a understanding about what it is regarding.

I like the surprise of knowing that it is brand-new to me. A complete adventure to lose yourself in without preconceived notions of what it will be like.

This is where it all went wrong w/ the changeling. I saw the preview.

I thought it was about alien abduction. Aliens abducting kids, filling them with mini-aliens and then returning them to their parents. Something like M. Night Shamalan (sp?) would write.

I was wrong.

Yes, there was some child abduction, but nothing involving mini-ET's snatching children from beds. It was mostly just mistaken identity.

Which, if i were a member of the academy, would not justify an oscar. Which, explained why she didn't win.

Note to Clint Eastwood: next year, if you want to have someone win an oscar: alien abduction. Its the only way.

ok, i'm better now...

2009-02-23T16:06:00.000-08:00

i think i'm (what is it called when you get tired and moody because you don't eat much?)

I think i have that. For the life of me i can't remember what that's called.

Yes, i graduated college.

Yes, i consider myself reasonably educated.

I just can't remember that word.

But, i'm better...and not as stressed, and not as tired. :) I think it was the rootbeer.

do you ever just get so tired?

2009-02-23T13:35:00.000-08:00

Right now, i am absolutely beat.

Like, the next person that i talk to is going to get less than 100% of me. I hate that. I always, ALWAYS give 100%. (Someone told me once that its impossible to give 110% of yourself...you can't give more than you have to give...so everytime people say they want 110%, i get argumentative in my brain...sometimes it comes out. Sometimes it doesn't. Right now, for arguments sake, i'm not going to go there because i don't want the online world to think that i'm always harping on something...really, in real life, i'm a nice person. Quirky...with lots of opinions, but nice in general.)

Back to the issue at hand. I always, ALWAYS give the most that i can. Try to do everything that is physically within my power to get the job done on time and in the best way possible.

Not right now...i'm just so tired. Not physically, although that is part of it. Mentally, i'm fried. Going from one thing to the next ALL THE TIME makes me want to cry. To always have something that didn't get done, or something that could've been done, or should've been done.

Its exhausting. Is this the way it always is going to be? When does this stop? When i get married? When i have kids? A sinking suspicion, and lots of testimonials from my friends tell me that it never stops. I know life has its ups and downs, and sometimes more downs than ups, and by no means am i equating my tired life right now to someone with real issues that they are experiencing. On the "life" scale, my issues are totally minor. I just wonder...how is this life thing supposed to work?

Beyond actually pressing through and getting all of my stuff done (which, i've decided, is my only course of action), the only thing that will make me feel better is watching 23 women eviscerate Jason on the Bachelor: The Women Tell All tonight. That damn guy needs a good reaming. And, while i watch that, i'm probably going to force my roommate to drink mojitos with me. I drank mojitos on Saturday night while watching Indiana Jones: Kingdom of the Crystal Skull, and i didn't really follow ANY of what was happening. (is it just me or was that movie INSANELY confusing? or was it the mojitos?) Either way it was the best Saturday night i've had in a long time. And, tonight will probably be the best Monday night i've had in a long time. the common thread there is mojitos.

Maybe i'll put mojito in my coffee...water bottle...cereal and everything else that needs some sort of liquid added. THAT will make me less tired. Problem solved.

two things:

2009-02-20T07:00:00.000-08:00

I have a few countdowns:
48 days until Reno. Delicious.
68 days until Seattle. Awesome. More on this in a second.
142 days until Coldplay. Oh, i just peed my pants a little in excitement. (Kinda like that time we were at Judah's birthday party and i piddled because i jumped too high on the trampoline.)

In Seattle news, my mom e-mailed me to ask me about "hosting" her garage sale the Saturday that i'm there. Guess Saturday won't be the day that i go and get my 2.5 hour deep tissue Swedish massage followed by my 1 hour steam to get all my toxins up and out. Oh well. That'll have to wait for another day.

My mom is FAMOUS for bribing us kids... i mean, when i was little, she paid me 20 dollars to go to youth group. In a way, my mom used money to entice me to become a Christian. (Ok, that is stretching it a LOT...just kidding...but she did pay me to go to youth group for a month.)

So, for this garage sale, she told me that she would let me take all the profits if i sit there for 5 hours. Nothing like using my vacation to try to earn some extra cash to pay for my vacation that i'm already paying for in cash. Dave Ramsey would be so proud.

Danielle, this is for you: I almost wrote a blog the other day about how having a disabled parking placard would make my life easier. But, then i thought about you, and your blogging comments as of late, the potential comments i would receive, and i thought, "better leave that rant inside my head instead of putting it down on paper." I don't want blog-hatas. I just want the world to love each other. Preferably, if the world could love each other at the Coldplay concert, that would be even better.

I'm going to die. I'm buying tickets next week.

And...in random Mormon news: WHAT DO THEY FEED THOSE BOYS TO MAKE THEM SO HOT?!?! Ladies and Gentlemen, in this day of TV history, we have two FINE mormon gents on TV: Chet on the Real World (who makes me DIE with his fashion on his sayings...i'll remember what one of them is and post it later) and Tyson on Survivor (who i would maul if i saw him in real life...his sense of humor is unreal). Wow...I'm just marveling at God's creation.

dear jesus...thank you for my clients

2009-02-17T15:25:00.001-08:00

and when they send me 100 gift cards to starbucks.

what happens in reno stays in reno

2009-02-17T06:48:00.000-08:00

As a few days ago (13th to be exact) marked the 2 month mark to countdown to my birthday, its natural (isn't it?) to get into planning mode and start figuring out what should be done.

So, as roommate and I were sitting, watching Jason make the biggest mistake of his Bachelor career (more to come on that later), she proposed Reno! WHAT?!?! I didn't even know that was an option. As it turns out, oh, yes, Reno is an option. Staying at her aunts house for free...going out to dinner...ice skating (which i've never been a big fan of, mostly just for the fact that i'll probably break both ankles and get some gnarly bruises, but what the heck? you don't turn 20-something twice!)

So...in an homage to Arrested Development, i want to go to Reno to see the blue man group, and all the fun things that Reno has to offer. And, by my blog title, in no way am i implying that anything untoward will happen there that would need to then stay there. Its just a witty little comment that means absolutely nothing...which, i would hope, dear reader, you have now come to expect from my blog.

Other things from this weekend: I will go in chronological order.

Prior to going out and getting margaritas to "celebrate" Valentine's Day, i burned my hand in a gory way on my flat iron. Welcome to one of the perks of being a girl: third degree burns in the shape of little small rectangles. It hurt like the dickens and now is small, flat and devoid of any sort of fingerprint becuase its been burned away. If i wanted to go commit a bank robbery with one hand (my right hand index finger), i'd totally get away with it. Bingo!

Sunday: aka "please God, just let me die" day. Welcome flu. Please, come in, stay a while. I got up that day, somewhat ready to make the trek up to Mercy, and did end up going up there, after stopping by Target, Manhattan and Starbucks with Niki. However, when we got up there, i knew i needed to go home. I wasn't throwing up yet. YET being the opperative word here. I drove homeand proceeded to lay on my red couch for hours and hours and hours, while the chills would wash over me, and then i would get so hot i couldn't hardly stand it. And then i would get a text, which would mean i would have to lift my arm (which was so heavy...why was my arm heavy?) and answer the text while my fingers were freezing cold outside of my blanket. Crackers, water, crackers, sprite (thanks Abby!), crackers, vomit, mouth wash, crackers, water, crackers, sleep, sleep, sleep, sleep. Wake up! Welcome roommate home, she goes to bed, and then i go back to bed, for what must've been my 18th hour of sleep in a 24 hour time period.

Monday: still queasy, but feeling better, i brave new worlds: solid foods! Oh, man, by 6pm yesterday i was RAVENOUS. Like Edward with Bella that first day. Except, i endulged. I went buck nutty on any and all protein in the house. It was delicious. I got my strength back, just in time to watch the Bachelor and the City and then go to bed.

Here's my problem with the Bachelor: Jason is just like any other, non-Christian guy out there. We have all put him on this pedestal becuase of what happened to him with his ex-wife (they got divorced. so has half of america), and then with deanna (she broke up with him. that's also happened to half of america.). So, now, here is this "amazing" guy, who really just wants to get these girls to say to him that they are falling in love with him, so that he can invite them to spend the night with him in this fantasy suite and get it on, and only, to then kick off the one that he should've picked in the end. I was a die hard Jillian fan (and hey, buddy, what is with all the damn nicknames???). I think she should be the next Bachelorette (which is flawed in that it reverses traditional male/female roles, in my opinion). But, because of last night, i could give a flying crap what happens next. he can pick emotionally stunted Molly or "say the right thing" Melissa and i truly would not care. Will i still watch it, um, yeah. Will i still comment on it like they are my friends and i'm fully invested in their lives. Probably. Does that give me some sort of idea as to why i'm still single? Yep. I have made best friends with people on tv. I'm totally ready for a relationship.

And, while we are on the subject of guys like Jason, i gotta be honest: (RANT ALERT!!!) i've encountered a fair amount of guys in these past few months who are just like Jason. And some tell me to my face that all guys are just like that. That sex is a natural part of a dating relationship, and that I'm borderline retarded to desire something different, something more. Yes, i fully understand that the world that i live in of celibacy and purity before marriage is not the way the world does it, but that doesn't mean its retarded. Nor is it foolish. I think this is a perfect example to me that, as Christians, we are called to live by a higher standard. Ugh, if i hear one more person insinuate that I'm retarded for wanting something more out of a dating relationship than sex, I'm going to scream and rip their head off.

Ok...i'm lowering my blood pressure. Deep breathing. Sorry, it just gets me all worked up!

Coldplay: July 10th: Portland. July 11th: the Gorge (first saw Dave there and i'm pretty sure got high second-hand from sitting on the grassy knolls). July 13th: shoreline ampitheater in San Fran. Who is up for it? I gotta see them...if i don't, i'm going to die. Just die.

And, i've decided: 2009 is the year when i'm going to start living. I've had enough of this working crap. I mean, yeah, its totally important, and i love my job, but my goal is not to work so that i can make other people rich. My goal: work so that i can really live. So...who wants to start living? Let's do this!

who wants to see death cab in april

2009-02-09T07:24:00.003-08:00

they are coming to sac. oh, please. oh, please. oh, please.

thank you government...

2009-02-06T07:57:00.000-08:00

for accepting my tax return on Monday of this week, and giving me money on Friday. You are quite prompt, and I appreciate it.

Actually, my fully funded 1000 emergency fund appreciates it.

And, my FICO score appreciates it because i've closed another two credit cards.

So, federal government, I appreciate you. You've done well by me today, and for that, you deserve a day off.

from my childhood...

2009-02-04T09:29:00.000-08:00

do you ever have things that you remember watching from your childhood. like pbs specials?

I have two that i keep on remembering and from time to time will ask random people, "Hey, do you remember this?"

Listen to either of these, and tell me if you remember them.

The Snowman...its an animated special with a snowman who kidnaps (in a nice way) this little boy and takes him to this gathering of a bunch of different snowpeople during the night when he should be sleeping. They dance and generally make mirth and merriment until its nearly dawn, at which point, they fly home, and the next day the snowman melts. Its chock full of haunting ballads that sound like they are from the Moors of England.

I think Hannah remembered that one when i asked her once about it. Or, she had one of hte songs on a CD, and i was instantly brought back to my childhood.

The other story was also a animated special...it was almost like a book that had been animated (like you would see on Reading Rainbow). This one was about a family who lived in a city in an apartment, who had a big brother, and they had just had a baby. It follows the baby from when its newly born to when it gets to be toddler age and the child (whose name was Bunny) is found to have a severe hearing impairment because she plays while Mommy and Daddy talk to her, and she never responds.

Its not a funny story. I don't remember why it made such a huge impact on me, but i remember loving it and being so saddened by it all at once.

No one that i've ever talked to remembers deaf Bunny. Maybe i made it all up. Until i find someone who remembers it, i'm going to hold firmly to the knowledge that its not just some made-up story that i created in my mind. Its real. I believe it.

Snow Shoeing

2009-01-31T19:48:00.000-08:00

Its Saturday...and what does that mean? Snow. But, really, for Redding, that meant 80 degrees of crazy January weather. So, what did we do? well, we went to the snow. Lassen is beautiful in the winter...and even more beautiful because we were there. It took longer to get there than we were actually there... but the time that we did spend was amazing. Lovely. Wet.

All the single ladies found a boyfriend...one that was stoic, quiet and a little cold. Not my "perfect" guy, but he did the job for the day.

At this point, i was happy that our own personal Ranger Rick had made us stay silent in the wilderness for a minute, experiencing the deafening silence of serenity that happens when you are out alone in the Lassen backcountry. I was so happy that i was lost in my own little world. (And trying to get a little tan on my face.)

In the back of me was Ranger Rick. He was (in my imagination) in LOVE with the other Ranger Rosie that accompanied us. They would make coy little jokes back and forth to each other that made me think that either they had a little something something going on, or that they had liked each other, then they went out, she wasn't feeling it, and now its awkward between them because he still likes her. Sometimes its fun to imagine these things.

All in all, great day, great friends.

yesterday i was walking along the path towards my office

2009-01-22T12:40:00.000-08:00

and someone saw me and said "oooh, all black" like i was some goth chick or something.

it really got under my skin.

because, 1. i'm not goth, although i am sarcastic. and 2. my outfit wasn't all black. if they would've looked closely, my jeans are a dark denim wash (not black) and my jacket was a dark grey (not black). get your fashion eyes checked, miss.

and then her dogs almost attacked me and she started laughing.

it was not a good time to be me.

after much prodding from sarah, and a guilty comment she left me...

2009-01-21T06:39:00.000-08:00

here it is...my first blog of 2009? i think? its bad when you don't even remember the last time you blogged. maybe i blogged before in 2009

i've been on a blogging drought. not a fast...i've wanted to write. but just, what about? money? well, i spent the majority of my 1000 emergency fund on stuff i "needed" for philly. in retrospect, i want that $1000 back in the bank because i'd like to be farther along than where i am financially, but i don't regret it...so, am making the best out of my financial situation. I spent (literally) 3 hours this last long weekend going over and over and over my budget, figuring out how long it will take me and when i will have all my consumer debt paid off. Good news: by Dec 2009, all will be paid off (best case scenario). worst case scenario...i buckle and buy another pair of DK's and i'll add one more month to the backend of when i'll have everything paid off. Right now, i have dave ramsey in my ear "there's always an opportunity cost"...yes and no. Yes, i want to be out of debt more than anything, and have the hope that its absolutely possible (and have the gazelle intensity to go along with that hope), but no, i'm not going to stop living my life and doing things that make me happy. I just refuse to go into debt anymore to do those things. so...progress, my friends, this is what we call progress.

other stuff to write about...my coffee ulcer? ok. this morning, no clean cups at work. i poured my piping hot coffee into a double-cupped red solo cup that usually is the home for soda or beer. me...coffee. i'd rather burn my hand than wash the 8 or so old coffee cups in the sink, or the 4 old coffee cups in my office. i'm a slob. But, on that front, i've stopped starbucks, save for one every other week. That damn corporation was sucking up too much of my money. It was mainly a fiscal decision, but it had nice health benefits too. And, i could never get over the embarassment of those baristas seeing me on an almost daily basis...yep, hi, its me again, i'm a slave to your caffeinated beverages and am like a junkie who missed her fix if i don't get it. Just me...can you do it intravenous this time? it'll be quicker.

what else...oh philly. that city...i swear, is not my favorite city in the world. in fact, i kinda hate it. from now on, i'm only going on work trips to places like....tucson, fargo, and seattle. either really nice and warm, really cold and wintery, or home. not to janky cities like philly. i vomited in my mouth a little bit when we landed in philly that first night.

there's gotta be more...oh yes, i'm thankful for redding. its small, pretty, and i like that its my home. plus, its got some pretty freaking fantastic people here...so, what is not to love. And, i'm thankful for my small group. We are starting survivor here in another few weeks. Beautiful. Sometimes, people tell me that they didn't know that we were really that bound by the TV that we watch, and without TV, we don't hang out for all that long. Here's the thing, though, friend of mine who told that to me, i disagree. Thursday nights are a catalyst for other intentional events throughout the week. Yes, we are all really busy, but if we get together on Thursday, that reminds me to hang out with a group member during the week. And, for me, my love language is totally time spent. Spend time with me talking, and you and i will be best friends. So...I'm happy our shows are coming back. And, for our small group. And, for Abby bringing that lamp to our white elephant Christmas exchange, becuase i'd been really wanting a lamp for so long. So...it was Jesus' way of giving me a lamp...hopefully because he was so proud of me of all the progress i've made financially.

and, lastly, honor. i've loved the series so far. its totally challenging to me, a girl who, by all accounts is super-proud. sometimes, i need to put all that pride aside to honor those around me. those who deserve it, and more difficultly, those that don't. it kinda pisses me off that i have to honor the people that don't deserve it, but its all a part of being a good witness, so i'm going to get on board.

so...here's to 2009. Its going to be a banner year, full of fun with friends, fun with finances, and learning how to be a better person. Speaking of fun with finances, if you want my pay-off list based on each paycheck and corresponding balances on all my other debts written out, just let me know. Honesty and transparency are the names of my game. I have all of it in my pretty little head, and also in my budget binder (yes, i have a budget binder) seperated by month.

my dk's are stuck in Hodgkins IL

2008-12-24T11:04:00.000-08:00

What the heck? They've been on a sad little UPS truck for a couple days now, slowly making their way to me. They started in Davenport IA and made their way to Hodgkins IL, where they've been now for about 24 hours. I googled it...its only about 3 hours between the two, but they were going EAST! Iowa's closer to California than Illinois is! What the heck! They sure as hell better be getting onto a plane and flying to me...if they aren't, oh man...i'm going to be a sad, sad little girl.

well, old habits die hard i think

2008-12-23T09:31:00.001-08:00

I used some of my 1000 emergency fund for a pair of David Kahns.

But, guys, it was an emergency. I needed them for Philly.

Don't give me that look.

I'll replace it with this next paycheck.

And, i don't regret it.

The biggest kind of emergency in my life is a fashion emergency.

I'm proud to say, this is why i have my emergency fund.

Thanks Dave Ramsey. If he saw the jeans, he'd approve.

it happened again!

2008-12-19T07:40:00.000-08:00

So, this morning, it was crazy cold outside. I mean, you step outside and you instantly get that sharp inhale of breath into your lungs because its so cold. And instead of my mind going to the "holy crap! cold!" thoughts...it was more along the lines of "must....have....coffee."

without coffee, generally, i'm a zombie. Many years of drinking it has created a severe addiction and if i don't drink coffee in the morning, i'm a sad, sad, mean girl. Forget friendly, cute, loveable Shelby. She doesn't come around. You get horrible, sarcastic, debbie-downer Shelby. The $4 for a latte is a small price to pay so that i can spare everyone around me from getting the "please Jesus come back NOW so i don't have to interact with Shelby" me.

So, i jumped into my classic volv...steered it carefully out of my parking spot, while at the same time warming my ever freezing fingers and toes. Yikes...frostbite.

I drive down to Starbucks and almost instantly become deterred by the long line. Ever since moving to Redding, i don't like long lines. I think there's no need to wait in line for something so long. In Seattle, its a given...hurry up and wait. Here, its pretty easy...drive in, drive out. So, nevertheless, the bucks had a good amount of people this morning...at least 5 cars in the drive through.

I navigate though parked cars to try to get to the speakerbox as quickly as i can.

"hi, morning, grande extra hot pumpkin spice latte."

...chatter from the box about it being cold outside...do i want a pumpkin scone?...3.85 at the window...

"thanks!"

Drive forward, listen to some Kanye (i love his new stuff by the way...it makes me want to go clubbing. but when do i club? never... ok, rewind, it makes me want to listen to kanye in my car going to work. BINGO.

I get to the window really quickly...bucks was on their game this morning. they must employ people who are my nemesises in the morning: perky people without the need for coffee. ugh, annoying.

Anyways, i go to give them my card, and the girl says, "oh, no, your drink's been paid for by the guy in back of you. he says he knows you."

Instant look in my rearview mirror. I don't think i know that grey truck? Do I? Does he have me mistaken for the other white volvo who drives around town? Possibly.

I'm instantly struck with gratitude. That's CRAZINESS. Those small gifts that are so insignificant but put such a birght spin on your day.

I take my drink, ask her to tell him "thank you very much.", wave out my back window and drive off.

So cool. And, especially cool because yesterday i started to get freaked out about money. With going to Philly, it just makes me so anxious that i'll have enough money to get what i need before i go. Even with a small little savings fund, i still get all uptight-Tracy because I need to protect my savings account, and i shouldn't be buying clothes that i don't need, and then there's the unrealistic expectations and all the pressure of doing a good job representing my company.

Oh...I love identifying all stress that i need to let go of. The stress that isn't mine to own. So, with that, i confidently say that I'll be able to acquire everything that i think i "need" in time and in budget, and that I will do the best job that i can.

And, i confidently say that even in the small things, that the Lord knows my needs and wants and when i'm obedient to him, he really does open the floodgates and pour out his blessings, one grande extra hot pumpkin spice latte at a time.

goodbye jcrew..i won't miss you

2008-12-17T15:00:00.000-08:00

in happy news yesterday, i made the last payment of my life towards jcrew. it was wonderful. I'm waiting until the money comes out of my account, and then i'm calling to close that sucker down. do you think they will miss me? I'm sure they will. I sure as hell won't miss them. (how's that for gazelle intensity?)

now my winter white pea coat and my black little coat that i wear every other day really do belong to me. what if my jcrew card went to collections? would they come and demand my coats back? and could i guilt them into letting me keep my coats by telling the repo men that if they took them i would be cold? probably not... but i laugh at myself that i imagine such a scenario.

i think its really interesting how i always remember what i purchased with credit. its almost like i can't shake the shame of putting things on credit, so i always remember that certain things are not paid off. its funny how my mind works. I can remember things like that, but i can't remember when to arrive at my babysitting houses. I get there an hour earlier than i should. But, at least i know what i used my discover card for.

this is a huge boo-yah to my debt snowball. 1 down, 8 more debts to go.

and, i officially graduated from financial peace university. the only thing better than the ceremony last night would've been if dave ramsey personally had given me my certificate while "pomp and circumstance" boomed in the background. (And then he gave me a thousand dollar bill because he was so proud of me...there i go again with my vivid imagination.)

in other, completely unrelated news, one of my wholesalers tried to sweet-talk my boss into taking me to philly this year for a national sales conference. who knows if i will make the trek to the east coast, but it definately would be an interesting time. looking back, the thing that i liked best about going to philly last year was the flights there and back. I'm a sucker for travel...not always the destination, but give me a good lukewarm piece of cardboard disguised as an in-flight meal and i'm a happy camper.

things are looking up.

this is a first in my life...

2008-12-15T07:37:00.001-08:00

$1000 in the bank in my good, old-fashioned savings account. BOO-YAH! Baby Step #1: COMPLETE.

I can understand why Dave Ramsey would've said that this needed to be completed within the first month of Financial Peace University...it does feel like an incredible accomplishment and encourages me to keep going. (Although, here we are and tomorrow is our last class, so apparently, i don't fall quite in line with Dave's timeline...but nonetheless, i've still done it.)

Now, Baby Step #2: debt snowball. I guestimated that by the time that I am done with my debt snowball, it'll be August 2010. I don't know if this is an accurate guess, but i'm hopefull it'll be a bit under 2 years before I'm totally debt free (including student loans).

In fact, i did make a huge payment to a credit card today, and hopefully, over the next 15 days, i'll scrimp and save and find the additional $60 to pay it off completely. With gazelle intensity, i will be a good steward of my money.

This feeling is so wonderful. Not living paycheck to paycheck...having financial margin. I'm much more of a planner now. I've seen this work in my life, so anytime that i find extra money, you'll find me sitting for hours at a time on my couch, figuring out on my trusty calculator where that money will go and what it will pay off.

Ah, delicious financial peace. Thank you Jesus.

(now, i just need to save for some dental work because if i don't Danielle won't be my friend anymore.) I don't want to pay for it though. Its not in the budget.

ok, ok...i'll work it into the budget.

this one is for elaine...

2008-12-12T07:10:00.000-08:00

I was cleaning my office this morning getting ready to host some people in our ESA corporate office and came across a cherished momento. A few years back, for my birthday, i got the best present. It was a mousepad with a picture of a monkey dressed up as a business person, wearing a suit and tie, sitting at a desk, staring at a computer screen and laughing.

In the tradition of all those motivational posters that have one word on it, and then a little saying like:

LEAD

You never know who is watching

SRENGTH

When you don't have it, you rely on those around you.

My monkey-suited mousepad had this on it:

THINK

It's the people with ideas who get ahead. Of course, if management tries their ideas and they don't work, those people get fired. So think, but keep it to yourself.

Classic. Definately, in my previous employment history that has rung true. In the tradition of toasting: "here's to jobs that you can look at that and laugh, instead of look at it and laugh to keep from crying."

i got "pay-it-forward"ed today

2008-12-02T12:57:00.000-08:00

so...this day has been amazing. as much as i write blogs about what i'm currently doing, i really try to stay away from blogs like "8:05am: picked up pencil at work and it broke!, 10:10, realized that i left my window down and its been raining for 30 minutes already. 11:12am: got hungry. ate." i mean, i guess we all have stuff we need to throw out to the enourmous online world...i just figure that no one really should need to read about my minute-by-minute life.

however...today is different. today, the mundane things have come alive for me, and so, i welcome you to my blog regarding my day so far. its been lovely.

I woke up on time at 5:33am. What a blessing to experience something different than normal. I usually always am running late to work. (Actually, I don't run late anywhere else...but work! yikes!) I got ready, grabbed my purse, and opened up my door to go to small group.

HELLO FOG! Hello winter! I've missed you! Will you please stay? (The weather made me really happy...)

Another happy thing today: small group. Can we please talk about the Cascade Christmas just a little more?

We got out of Breakfast Club a little early, and since i'd only had 2 cups of coffee this morning to that point, i decide a fitting stop before i go to work would be Starbucks. Since E Cypress is NOTORIOUS about having the hottest baristas (I swoon every time i go there), i decided to swing by and pick up the favorite of all winter drinks: the pumpkin spice latte. (I gotta admit: while i was driving, i also did my fair share of admiring my hair and makeup in the mirror as i drove...had to make sure i was looking cute for the baristas at the Bucks...)

So, when i get there, I jump in line...ready to order my drink and as i finish saying "hey, i'll have a grande, extra-hot pumpkin spice latte" the man behind me says "I've got that. I'm trying something new and am paying it forward. Someone did it to me." So, first inclination is to say, "are you sure?" but i realize that when people make the offer, its something they want to do, and to refuse would be impolite. And then, as i'm basking in the thankfulness glow of getting something undeserved, I'm grateful for paying it foward and for this grandpa who just made my day by offering to grab my Starbs tab. Who does that?

"merry christmas" is exchanged between us as we grab out drinks that came out right after each other, and i leave and he leaves.

what the heck?

as i drive to work, i think about all the times that i've had opportunities to act out (in a good way) and pay it foward, and all the times i thought better of it and didn't do anything. how selfish.

Work...work...work...manage...manage...manage. And that brings me to now! (and i actually am eating. yum.)

All this to say, I'm grateful for mr. man who bought my starbucks today, and i look forward to the next time that i can swing through the starbucks and buy the drink for the person in back of me.

that will be a great day for them. and good...because i've paid it forward.

another blog to get me current...

2008-11-28T18:22:00.000-08:00

oh man...what a rough road of sickness i've been on these past few days.

last friday, for the third time in a week, i had gone to target to again visit the cold & flu section...i swear, the pharmacists must've thought that i was operating my own little meth lab. I'd been there so many times there was no other option but to think that. (well...they could think that i was a stubborn girl who was refusing to go to the doctor...about that they were absolutely correct.)

on Saturday i was trying to wage the war on my illness in my mind...i went over the whole "power of positive thinking" argument in my mind and knew that if i could just tell myself i was feeling better, even if it wasn't true, it would surely follow.

it didn't. i mean it did for a few days until this horrible sore throat and insane nose problem started up on Monday.

on Tuesday, i coughed and wheezed and hacked through a late-night showing of twilight and decided that being sick like i had been was not worth it any longer. i was going to bite the bullet and finally see a health practitioner.

was i glad that i did! diagnosis: acute bronchitis. prescription: azithromyocin, forever now known to me as the "i have a will to live again" miracle drug.

thanksgiving: wonderful. day after thanksgiving: great so far... fun times planned for this evening.

in other news...i have decided on two of my new favorite TV shows. if I'm in the mood to be really touched and probably cry a lot: Celebrity Rehab on VH1. it's just so touching when all of them start talking abut their addictions. really, i cry like a baby when i watch that show. and, when I'm in the mood for a nice foreign comedy: Summer Heights High on HBO. I swear...after the British Office and Extras, its brilliant. I would be friends w/ Jai'me if I lived in New Zealand.

and finally, clown baby and i apparently still have some of the same issues as we did when we lived together. i went over to the house today to look at a pair of skinny jeans and he played scratching post with my arm. now i have some beautiful little love scratches...i feel like maybe its my personality clashing with his. i feel like i automatically bring out the feisty in people. is that a good thing? i think so...maybe i need to be more serious.

maybe tonight when i go out i'll try out "super-serious shelby" and charm everyone i meet by being melancholy and brooding.

actually...i don't think that will work for me. so, i'm not going to. decision made. this is the second straight day its felt like saturday to me. i wish church really was tomorrow night.

another blog soon to come about bronchitis...

2008-11-20T08:00:00.000-08:00

i'm pretty sure i've had it.

so, i am currently, in my brain, formulating a very controversial blog about universal healthcare...pros and cons.

Pro #1: i could be cured of bronchitis.
Pro #2: niki could be cured of bonchitis.
Pro #3: all the people niki and i have collectively infected could be cured of bronchitis.

It looks like i'm in favor of universal healthcare.

(just kidding...this is a joke blog. i haven't adequately researched it enough to know one way or the other. don't jump up and down like nicholas feign and be like "WHAT? NO!..."

i'm taking my super-short lunch break to throw a shout-out to all the people who work in customer service and call people "honey" or "sweetie"

2008-11-19T12:35:00.001-08:00

stop.

for the love.

nothing makes me more annoyed than 23 year old girls who work at starbucks and as i roll through say "hey hon!" and then "have a great day darlin'!" as i drive away.

I'm sorry, did i miss something? I definitely didn't order a side of condescension when i yelled my order into the electronic box. I purposely forgot to tell you that all i wanted was courteous, quick service and the "sweetheart" to be left off of any dangling sentence. I thought it was just something I got just for coming to Starbucks. Good service, good coffee, no pet names.

really...it makes me so annoyed. and it goes for acquaintances too. if you and i have met multiple times and you are still calling me "sweetie" "dumplin" or "princess"...really...do we know each other well? Nope, probably not, because if we did, you'd know my stance on the issue. So cut it out.

I know it a battle that will only ever be lost. I can't change the Free World to stop the pet names. I know its unrealistic and unproductive to complain about it.

Maybe though (just maybe) I can get Starbucks to put it in their employee manual that those words are outlawed.

That will be a victory.

i'm watching judah be tigress.

2008-11-16T12:32:00.000-08:00

and zoe shoot out a full tablespoon of snot out of the snot-fountain that is her nose.

its the cutest thing ever.

and the best sunday ever. love it!

unfortunate news

2008-11-15T16:41:00.000-08:00

bear grylls is married with two sons: jesse and marmaduke.

amazing names.

i'm a little sad that he's married.

another one bites the dust.

string cheese + bear grylls = the best saturday afternoon

2008-11-15T16:31:00.000-08:00

so, i find myself having the most relaxing saturday afternoon doing absolutely nothing but eating a string cheese and watching man v. wild with the adorable Brit Bear Grylls. This dude is H-O-T. As i type, he's hanging from a vine dropping into a Panamanian pool possibly full of vipers.

w-o-w.

i'm in love. and in deep admiration for the kind of guy who just lives off the land...and tries to survive. i cannot imagine. if i were dropped into the panamanian jungle, i'd go into the fetal position and cry for my mom.

he's found a cave full of rabies-carrying vampire bats.

w-o-w x 2.

i was thinking just a while ago (when bear was stuck in the sahara desert) that i am really thankful for my life. I have amazing friends, a great job, a "vintage" car, and i don't feel guilty about having a saturday afternoon alone.

life is good.

i'm going to go google bear grylls and see if he's single. If he is, count me in the process of moving to where he lives.

and today is officially the kind of day that...

2008-11-14T07:34:00.000-08:00

i would have my (decaf) starbucks or dutch delivered to me as i read vanity fair in my bed and then silently drifted back to sleep. my nose and throat are finally starting to drain, which, being that its a week and a half coming is great...but still makes me feel so tired.

who wants to go vintage poaching at another whim today? I have the itch to buy something. (i know, i know, its not in the budget...)

sweet justice:

2008-11-14T07:16:00.000-08:00

Lightening hit the roof of JC Penney last Saturday during that crazy thunderstorm / freak downpour. According to the Record Searchlight, the lightening bolt struck a metal sprinkler pipe, which got so hot that it singed some of the roof's insulation and was only discovered after store employees called the RdgFD reporting of smoke. The store was evacuated. Unfortunately, JCP reopened the next morning.

If only it would've been burned to the ground...that would've made up for the years of torture inflicted upon me and those i love.

this is my best friend right now

2008-11-13T08:26:00.000-08:00

sick and nasty, i know...but so needed. last night i downed half a bottle of theraflu "warming sensation" that seriously warmed my throat just as much as a good shot of scotch would (which i've never had...just my suspicion is that it would). I was out cold and so grateful for the temporary relief of the hacking and coughing.

At one point in these past few weeks, nearly every one of my friends has been sick. Being that it has infested my lungs much more than anyone around me, I kicked it over to Target and bought the above mucus relief and the theraflu yesterday. Because Niki is still struggling with this thing, I sent a pix message to her with the caption "drug party at my house later? :)" and then proceeded to send it to the wrong phone number. The owner of said phone texted back telling me he was interested, and then proceeded to call me and leave a message asking where the party was. Really? Do you really want to go to a drug party where the drugs are mucus relief and theraflu? I'm not interested in drugs at all, but that loser was over-the-top.

Needless to say, the "party" last night consisted of me drinking 4 tablespoons, watching half an episode of Dexter and falling asleep at 9pm.

Oh, it was gorg.

some days....

2008-11-10T10:49:00.001-08:00

i love to not be called and e-mailed and just left alone to do my work.

i think today is one of those days.

so, unless you and i are friends in real-life, don't even THINK about calling or e-mailing me. If we are friends, come, wisk me away and save me from my job. Please.

i was at small group the other day...

2008-11-06T19:26:00.001-08:00

and brought up the fact that during the winter, when a girl (meaning me) lets her hair down and her (leg) hair grow, she tends to find out that she only grows leg hair in patches.

what is with that?

If you were to look at my leg right now (the act of which may elicit two different responses from me depending on who you are..the first "HEY! WHO ARE YOU AND WHY DO YOU WANT TO SEE MY LEGS?" to those who i don't know and the second "sure, absolutely, look at my legs" to those who i know at least your first and last name.) anyway, i digress, if, lucky you in the second group, came and looked at my legs, you would see little spikies in patches along my shins. In further examination, these patches continue all along my legs.

what is with that?

is it because i've been shaving for lord knows how long, and by now i've conditioned most of those hairs to leave and never come back?

or, is it just that i have a freaky body chemistry and i am quite selective on where hair will grow.

lord only knows.

my primary question remains that will i pay less for electrolosis because i have less hair to remove than the normal girl?

which brings me to the first time i shaved my legs in an attempt to get rid of that unwanted hair on my gams. In my dads apartment, with his old bic razor. i did a combo wet/dry shave (don't blame me...i didn't know any better) At my first go-around, i positioned my shin in what i could only imagine was proper shaving position. Took my razor, put it by the top of my foot, and so quickly moved that blade up my shin that i watched the resulting trail of blood surface on my legs. That first go-around was followed by finding all the band-aids that i could in my dad's place, carefully positioning them so that they weren't afixed to any other scabs and walking not-so-confidently out of the bathroom as a not-so-freshly groomed woman.

yikes.

what would life be like if we never learned from our mistakes?

well, for one, my legs would be perma-scarred.

are you there jah its me ras trent

2008-11-06T07:22:00.000-08:00

i woke up this morning to andy samberg yelling in my brain "me toil part-time at jah cold stone creamery".

what could be better than rastifarianism early in the morning?

today is a good day to be sick

2008-11-05T07:05:00.001-08:00

and the reason today is a good day to be sick?
because i am.
and what is worse than being sick?
being sick at work.
i want it to be 2pm so I can go home and make my head stop pounding.

this is the view from my window:

2008-11-03T13:20:00.001-08:00

I love storminess. Please, please, please God bring some thunderstorms to me?

hello ulcers

2008-10-28T11:52:00.000-07:00

why is it that God's sweet nectar also comes with the added bonus of an ulcer? here's my problem...i get all hopped up on coffee and then i get too anxious, caffeinated, heart-murmury and sick because my stomach lining starts to burn.
why?
it hurts so bad. :(

this is why weekends are important...

2008-10-27T07:28:00.001-07:00

because i don't think about work. I think about my personal life and how to make it better and more fulfilling.

Friday night: Vintner's Wine Cellar and the Eatery. Good times. I had my first half glass of white wine in about 4 years. It was pleasant. I watched Abby get accosted by a half-drunk cowboy who only wanted to twirl her around on the dance floor. She stood her ground though and no meant no. Got the giggles from a chainsaw-wielding masked man who came out of the haunted house near where we parked. He was trying to scare us, and he did succeed as someone in the car got freaked, but to me, its just priceless to look over at someone wearing a white hockey mask revving his chainsaw. I channeled Sarah and thought "seriously dude? really?"

Saturday: babysat. FUN TIMES! I love the kids that i babysit for...I will not name names to protect the innocent, but they are so much fun and I love being crazy with them. I think the thing that I love the most is that I'm just myself with them, i don't talk to them like they're kids, I talk grownup-ese with them, and as a result, I'm sure their cognitive and reasoning skills have gone up dramatically since I've started watching them. Well, actually, probably not, since they are pretty dang smart kids. However, I love it when I tell them something, and they see my logic, or find the humor in my sarcastic statement. They kinda make me think that maybe i do want kids. (well, them, along with judah and zoe who are just too cute for words...if i could have kids as well behaved as all of them, i might give it a go...)

Went on a walk with Juliette. Good times, although i dressed like it was going to be a fall-walk, and it was very much a late summer walk, which made my makeup melt off my face. boo. What is with global warming? Where does a girl have to move for a little taste of the 4 seasons? And, I'm not talking the restaurant. We are in prime-time fall here, and i feel like I'm missing out. boo x 2.

Stirrings message this week was the drunk elephant in the church. Ironic because on Friday I got the following little pressie from a client of mine.

Yes, that is a baby flask located right on top of the biggest bottle of petron I've ever owned. Shh...its a secret...I don't think I've ever really drank petron. I have no recollection of how its supposed to taste and I don't know if I will like it. Nevertheless, the baby flask with Big Sky Country emblazoned on it is definitely one of my most favorite little presents I've ever gotten. Its just so dang cute.

So, the drunk elephant in the church. Do I really think we have a drunk elephant? You bet your sweet ass I do. Do I love the points that Nate made yesterday, absolutely. For me, I love a good cocktail, a mojito, a margarita, a gimlet, an egg creme (actually, the last two are on my list of things to try before the year is out). But, I learned long ago that drinking is best done within the comfort of close friends. I don't drink to get drunk, but i love a good giggle. Ultimately, i think as long as I am not walking on this alcohol crutch, I'm in good shape. Good times...good words.

Here's a question though, are we going to cover the caffeinated elephant in the church? This morning i feel like a drugged up girl who dips her hand in coffee, rubs it onto the front of my gums and under my tongue so that i can get that caffeine sooner rather than later.

and, final tally: to tell or not to tell: to tell: 4.5, not to tell: 0. I've got some telling to do.

a blog to get me current

2008-10-23T06:50:00.000-07:00

oh, hello my lovelies!
Well, these past few weeks have been so full. Here are a few of the highlights:

Fireworks. Oh, happy day, last Saturday night Redding skies were finally lit up with fireworks, and this time, no backdraft warning! This made me super happy! I LOVE fireworks, so nothing made me more excited than to get dressed to the nines (well, not really, just in my uggs, scarf, puffer, and snowcap) and go out to the semi-damp field over at sequoia middle school, lay down on a blanket, snuggle up next to my favorite little fleck kids and be shocked and awed by the display. Next on the agenda: petition the HECK out of the Redding City Council to increase their fireworks budget by 100% so that next year we can have two fireworks nights: July 4th and October 18th. Now that I have gotten a taste for fireworks on random fall nights, my thirst will remain unquenched. (? does that even make sense?)
Clown Baby. Oh, sadder day. He is now the clown that shall remain nameless. He's no longer my baby. Last night, I told Niki they should probably change his name b/c Clown Baby is the type of name I would name a cat and if he's not going to be my cat, he probably shouldn't have that name. I just said that "ass-clown" probably isn't the best name to keep calling him. He'll get confused and feel like he's not that important. Which he is.
Antiquing. Delicious! The beautiful Tara is going antiquing on Saturday while i run around with the kids. (which also is one of my FAVORITE pasttimes!) I asked her to make a list of all the places that she goes...appartenly Shasta Lake City is a hub for antiquing, and as I have decided that 2008 is the year that I get some hobbies, I've also decided that antiquing and refurbishing items will be one of my hobbies. Unfortunately, it takes money, and right now, while i don't have tons, I do have some. So, in a few weeks, I'm going to take what little money I have and go bargain-hunting in the SLC.
Budget: going well. I'm sticking to it. Although, I just made some Friday night plans with Abby to go over to Vinters and the Eatery so hopefully my budget will be enough to get me through a beer at each place and not send me into the poor house. Also, in terms of budgeting, I decided, since with my debt snowball, its going to take me til May 2013 to pay off everything (including student loans) I need to get serious about my budget and really take into account the things that I haven't yet thought of. Things I don't currently account for in my budget are: flights home during the holidays (super expensive! 300? what? i'd rather take the 17 hour amtrak ride up there), saving for my schwin so i can ride to work instead of pollute the air with my crazy insane gas-guzzler, CLASSIC 85 volv, gifts for things like christmas, birthdays, christenings and bosses day (oh wait, I'm supposed to get gifts on bosses day...awes.), my rafting trip to Chile (that i would rather do on my honeymoon, but as i am currently unattached, i'd rather save for it and do it while i'm young because who wouldn't want to go rafting in Chile) and many more things that I've yet to think of. So, really, i am a brand new budget virgin, and have yet to fully grasp how interwoven it all is with everything i spend.

In other news, it really is going to be until May 2013 til i have my debt paid off completely, taking into account minimum payments with the debt snowball. That's not too long, when you really think about it. And, I will knock off a lot of that when I get things like my income tax return, etc. Yummo. Remember in elementary school when you had those links of paper that would give you a visual of how many days to Thanksgiving break or Christmas break or summer break? I think i'm going to make one of those to when i'm going to be debt free. Its going to be 1650 days until May 1, 2013. I'm going to circle it around my apartment to be a visual on how close (or not so close) I'm getting. Boo-yah. (well, i won't really do it, because it will take a lot of time and effort to make it. But, if someone wants to send me a 1650-link chain, please do! :)

And, thanks to my new roommate, i have a hairstylist (which saves me on hair every six weeks) and she is a great resource for finding good shirts at Target. So, fashion and hair in one! i'm a lucky girl.

Finally, straw poll time: if you've been crushing on someone for a long time: tell or don't tell? Rejection or possible Love of Your Life/Honeymoon in Chile on a raft in class 5 rapids/possible death?

I really want to know the thoughts out there.

so, i'm looking for stuff to sell

2008-10-15T12:24:00.000-07:00

its important to sell the stuff you own when you are trying to build up your savings. or so Dave Ramsey says. if you are my friend, come buy my stuff. or, if you have stuff to sell, send it to me, and then i can sell it and take all the proceeds and put it in my savings.

In other news today, I've never been SO EXCITED to be over with a day of work. Please, please, who out there wants to be my executive administrative assistant? I'll pay you well (in love and admiration) and you'll always get off on Fridays at 3pm. And, I'm a pretty good boss. I love to draw pictures of you while you work (they are pretty sweet...stick figures and such). I'll probably make fun of you a little bit once we get to know each other. And, in the end, I'll ask you to do all the stuff that I hate doing.

Sound good?

Great...the job is currently hiring (not really, don't ask me if I'm being serious, cause I'm not) and I'm looking to get someone in place by noon tomorrow. So, if your schedule is free, come on in. (Don't really come in, or else you will automatically be disqualified from the job due to inability to detect sarcasm in the written word.)

I actually have a really good idea for tonight...margarita's and the corn maze in Anderson. Who's down?

while the lighting isn't fantastic...

2008-10-14T07:26:00.001-07:00

It still captures the essence of new winter short hair. (julie, get ready for a boo-yah count!)

Before!

After!
Boo-yah! Too bad I'm a cold-blooded person and i need to wear a scarf during all of winter. But, nonetheless, the hair is short and the cut is sassy and the best part was that the time in the salon chair was spent in my living room, watching the Hills and the much-beloved Hills Aftershow.

Thanks Rebekah David! you are amazing!

(and, also with this delicious quick before/after blog, you get the amazing observance that isn't it funny when weight loss/acne care/make-up infomercials do the before and after? With the first picture I can just hear the photographer telling them "just act like you feel like the worst person in the world, let your unhappiness radiate." so they pout, they don't smile, the don't look fierce. In short, they communicate "you would NEVER want to be me." But, then, the after picture is all joy and vitality and "i've never felt better about myself and have bought a life-long supply of product X that will now make me the better version of myself that i've always knew was possible, but just never experienced."

an update on clown baby

2008-10-13T07:36:00.000-07:00

he's been ripped from my fingers due to the evil dictator of the CCA.
really, i just asked if i could keep him and the manager said no.
I'm crafting a strongly worded letter that will go over the following talking points:

I've been crying off and on for three days straight
I'm VERY attached to him
he's been neutered; no "spraying" will occur
I'll pay an increased security deposit asap
I'll consider paying more per month and increasing my lease
I've been crying a lot
pending the decision, "we" may have to make a decision about what to do when the remaining four months of our lease is up.
the crying was about three solid days of puffy eyes and running noses.

I don't know if this is going to work. I plan on googling "how to get what you want" or something along the lines of writing a persuasive letter. And, so, hopefully, they'll reconsider.

Its a lesson in sometimes you have to ask for what you want. And, sometimes, if the first answer is no, you have to ask a little more. And, then, if they still say no, you move.

Invaluable lesson, that one.

single, party of one.

2008-10-10T08:24:00.000-07:00

let's talk about all those singles out there who are 20-something and still single. waiting, and waiting, and waiting. faithfully hoping that someday their time will come.

all around me, i see amazing girls. just last night, i was at my much-cherished small group where we do many things, chief among them watch survivor and big brother, but more than that, act as a support system for each other. sitting there, realizing that 4 of the amazing girls in the group are fabulous and miraculously single, i started to think about why that was and what kind of effect it has on our ever so fragile psyches.

Being single is somewhat like your next door neighbor/best friend that's in your kindgergarten class that kicks you in the shins during recess and even though you like her most of the time, because you are neighbors, you can't really get away from her during recess when she's looking for some shins to kick. You've got bloody shins, but its from your best friend. Ok, that example may be a bit convoluted. Being single is a mixed bag of benefits and drawbacks. But, why is it that more often than not, it seems like being single is somehow being deficient or less than?
Why is it that the topic of being single is not always discussed? Is it easier to not acknowledge the hurt that comes from being single for a little too long than to acknowledge and not have the words to speak to the situation? Is it too socially taboo to tell someone "buck up! you'll find someone too!" or is it that once you get married, much like a high-schooler forgets jr. high, you forget your single years and only on your worst nights, do you wake up with nightmares of what it used to be like when you were single.

where's the love? why do i search for something, some emotion from someone else, whether its friend or lover that makes me feel like i'm more than i feel when i'm by myself. my single, girl-power mentality tells me "no! you have to find your contentedness even while you are alone." my daughter of Jesus mentality tells me "no, whats more than being single, you are defined by the one who laid down his life for you, so find your contentment in that."

easier to say than do, i'm afraid.

I'm actually afraid of a lot of things. I'm afraid that the longer i go between love-intrests, the longer its going to take for me to trust someone.
i'm afraid that things that once defined my past will define my future. but even in this fear, i recognize that's the enemy. my part in my past is my past. I walk in the freedom afforded me through the love of Christ and his forgiveness and grace.
sometimes the things that i am afraid of are not even verbalized until someone speaks Truth over me.

my friend juliette spoke to the core of my being about 2 months ago. she spoke over me that i don't need to be afraid of sinking into the background, of not being noticed. (in fact, for me, i think that's probably NEVER going to be a problem for me...that's just not my nature, nevertheless, its still something i worry about very much.) She told me that whoever that great man of God turns out being will notice me. That I won't be overlooked. What a weight off of my shoulders, and a huge encouragement to me that even in my daily life, the things that I worry about have already been acknowledged by the Father and he's got it covered.

All that to say, I'd rather this time be one of two things. First, I'd rather it be over. And second, if number one isn't going to happen, I'd rather just be content and truly epxerience a life that is lived to its fullest.

I pray this season, no matter how long, will be one in which we, as parties of one, cling to the Lord, allow him to define us, LIVE LIFE to its fullest because I am a firm believer that we are defined by what we believe in and the sum of our experiences. What's most, I pray this time prepares us for what's to come and that we can be an encouragement to those around us. We are not alone. Even in the dark moments, you are not alone, I am not alone, we are NOT alone.

As an aside, today is a raw sort of day for me. I don't feel adequate to work through all the emotions rolling around in my head and heart. They aren't bad emotions. And, believe it or not, most of them do not stem from being single. I started this blog simply wanting to express some of my feelings about being single. In no way was this meant to be a bash against married people, or calling people to the carpet on inadequacies i see around me. Not at all. Mostly, i was just expressing some of the thoughts that go on in my head surrounding being single. But, while my day has gone on around me, sad things have happened, new beginnings have begun and i'm just a little sad. I need a sunset and sunrise and need to begin another day and have hope around me that this new season will be good.

get ready for the crying game (and I'm not talking about the Irish Republican Army)

2008-10-10T07:35:00.000-07:00

it may be time to give Clown Baby away. cue: tears.
yesterday we had a minor emergency at my apartment which turned into Homer discovering Clown Baby which turned into a massive ulcer in my stomach because now I officially have to ask him if I can have a cat (definitely a LOT after the fact).
Its a good process to go through...I'm being more honest with Homer and if he says yes, then I won't have to be terrified of Clown Baby getting in the window any longer. But, if he says no, I'll have to ship off Clown Baby to a friend (2 blocks away) like a little Great Depression kid whose parents needed to entrust him with someone else for a little bit.

Will he forget me? Maybe a little.
Will my "to scratch love on her arms" scratches heal? Definitely a lot.
Will my sleep be uninterrupted and free from fear of being pounced on during my sleep? Fo-sho.

Ultimately will it be better for him? He'll be loved just the same. He may get more flicks on the nose at his new home, but that will make him better behaved...

All questions I have to wrestle through as I face the real possibility that I have to give up my first born.

RIP Clown Baby. cue: more tears. (I'll post pictures soon...)

i made a budget, i made a budget, i made a budget, hey hey hey hey!

2008-10-09T09:24:00.000-07:00

So, folks, you are looking at the most responsible 27 year old out there.

well...maybe not! but I'm getting more responsible. Last night, i went through and spent a good 2 1/2 hours on setting up my own personal budget. Some highlights from the evening:

I realized that i am more responsible than i initially thought i was. I actually have been working off a skeleton budget for 6 months, just not being diligent to note where every penny is going.
I started putting aside money for entertainment (which before i just spent off-the-cuff) and clothes (which, if I'm honest, I don't spend NEARLY enough on...just wear my stuff until it wears out). I'm so excited to have money set aside for clothes...it'll help me be diligent to actually buy clothes. AMAZING!
I started putting money aside for that devil of a surprise bill: the car registration. Oh, when that day comes, I'll yell "boo-yah" at the DMV because I'll already have a good chunk saved towards the volv registration.
I swatted Clown Baby for getting all up in my budget business. (Trust me, that was a highlight for me.)
I realized that in FPU language, I really am a nerd. Surprising, but true. Actually, all the ex-boyfriends out there would probably agree with the news that i'm a nerd. But, I love it. Being a nerd is so fulfilling to me because i feel like i have a handle on things. I know where my money is going, and if its not in the budget, tough crap. Wait until next month. Boo-yah x 2.
I realized I don't have to live with the lie that i need to wait until i get married to get my finances under control. I can be a financially stable single girl with no relationship in sight and not have to be the damsel in distress financially. Boo-yah potential suitors. Take that!
I started seeing what life will be like without debt. Its gonna be AMAZING! And you know, I'm going to enjoy the process of getting there. I could be super bitter, but I got myself into this mess (while enjoying the ride), so I'm going to take the tough route out of this mess and I'm going to enjoy myself here as well. Life's too short to not find the good in my situations and enjoy myself along the way. Bring on the good times!

So, what I'm really saying is: I'm going to start a Financial Peace University rival: its going to be Money Relaxation College (found at http://www.shelbyschwitters.com/moneyrelaxationcollege) and I'm going to do budgets for everyone (I charge $300/hour). Yes, its a hefty price but I justify it two ways. A: you need a budget. B: I need money. So if A and B are true then that leads to the conclusion that C you need to pay me to do your budget so i can pay my stuff down.

Any takers? (don't actually click the link...it was just a joke!)

its the first rain of the year

2008-10-03T11:05:00.000-07:00

and, unfortunately, i didn't get to call in sick and enjoy it.
why?
cause it started raining when i was at work!
one of my previous blogs stated that i would call in sick the first rainy day of the winter. i even told my boss yesterday that when the first rainy day came, she shouldn't expect me to come in, to which she replied that it was going to rain tomorrow and i better be at work.
well, i was and it did.
so, after work, i fully intend to put on my socks and my birk clogs and my much-beloved puffer and go down to the sundial. i will romp around in puddles like rompings never been done before.

and, side-note: this morning i cracked. i called off the moratorium on spending and went to starbucks for a psl. (again, i say ptl for the psl!) Shortly after i brought the drink of life back to work did my other boss call through and ask for starbucks orders from the rest of my coworkers. I could've gotten a free drink if I'd been patient. instead, i was fidgety and thought i could do the best for myself by doing everything myself. I just spent 17.5% of my budget on a delicious coffee drink and pastry. that, combined with the Tylenol is 30% of my budget. Oh well. I'm not starving...i just need to learn a little patience.

fpu

2008-10-02T08:14:00.000-07:00

and, side-note, i'm thinking (and briefly entertaining the idea) of posting my consumer debt on my blog, for the mere reason that seeing it public like that will be SO MORTIFYING that i will not be able to live with the shame, and will have to do something about it.
i'm a firm beleiver in the principle that when people know your secrets, there is a sense of release that comes from that. suddenly, that part of your life...that shame doesn't carry weight anymore, becuase its common knowledge, and you identify it and make strides in a positive direction.
so...i'm thinking about it. i don't know if i want to be known as "that girl with the low savings account and one too many credit cards" though.
i'd rather be known as "the wise financial steward who is a multi-millionaire by 30." but, i don't think that is going to happen so easily.

do you ever have mornings when you don't really want to go to work?

2008-10-02T08:00:00.000-07:00

i do.
more like, i have mornings when i am late to work, and then the same morning turns into a morning where i don't want to start working.
so, i sit at the computer.

look at blogs. maybe comment on blogs.
check my bank account balance. (get angry at financial peace university for making me do things that are really hard, but good for me anyway.)
check my envelope balance. (I spent 12.5% of my budget yesterday on tylenol at target. Niki says i needed the tylenol (she's right...hello pms!) and it'll last me for a long time. i agree. but that doesn't stop me from getting angry that now i only have 87.5% of my food budget left. I'm going to try and not spend any of it. It'll be my food/david kahn jean budget (or food/michael kors purse budget). because, if i don't use it for food, then i can save it, get skinnier the good, old fashioned way mom used to, and then i can buy jeans. and, i'm "saving" for the jeans...which in essence is a fpu principle, right?!?)
search the internet for places i can sell some of my shoes (to build up my 1000 emergency fund).
check blogs again.
clean my desk off.
ignore some phone calls, but promptly check my voicemail.

and finally, at 8am decide to make the committment to start work that day.

dang it. who said working was all it was cracked up to be, especially on a day like today, when i would've loved to just stay in bed. (side-note: whoever becomes my main man: he better like working smarter, not harder, so that we have enough quality time, and i can work for the fun of it...that's my dream...let's see if it will happen)

and, here's my forewarning to the world wide web and all those on it: the first day it rains in redding, i'm calling in sick that day. that's a day for pure enjoyment. i'm going to put on my rain jacket (the one with the fuzzy, furry hood) and go down to the sundial, and walk around and get sopping wet. So don't try to find me if its the first day of rain...unless you want to come out walking with me in your rainjacket. Then, by all means, holler at your girl. We'll get wet, and potentially also the first colds of the season. what could be better?

me and tim.

2008-10-01T07:38:00.000-07:00

so, for a while now, I have been seeing this really nice, down syndrome kid (maybe 19 or 20) in our apartment complex. I know he lives near the front of the complex, but don't know if he lives alone, or has family or what.
all i know is that usually i will see him ever few days, wave at him and then drive off.
not this morning.
this morning, i was running all too late, realized that the trash in both the bathroom and the kitchen needed to be taken out, so, good roommate that i am, i grabbed them on my way out the door.
immediately when exiting my house, there was my down syndrome, front-of-the-complex friend, very intently putting things in the dumpster.

Me: Good Morning. What do you have there? (putting my garbage in the dumpster)
Friendly down syndrome front-of-the-complex friend: A vacuum. it broke.
M: that's too bad. (turning around to go back to my car)
FDSF-o-t-CF: They always break when i get them home.
M: you should take it back and return it. (walking closer back to my car)
FDSF-o-t-CF: Hey, what is your name?
M:(turning around) Shelby. What is yours.
FDSF-o-t-CF: Tim
M: Its good to meet you Tim!
Tim: I am real sleepy today. I'm coming home at 3:30 because I am so tired. Maybe I can come over and sleep with you tonight.
M: (smiling) Thanks Tim, that's really nice. I think I have to work late though tonight.
Tim: I have a lot of Cd's in my room. You can come over and see them. Can I come over later on.
M: I'll have to check with my roommate... Have a good day Tim!
Tim: you too.

So, i now have a good friend named Tim. I don't think I will be around for him to come and sleep over, but at least I have a friend to look for and wave to!

the stock market

2008-09-29T11:18:00.001-07:00

what i really want to know is: if the stock market dies, will someone please forgive my student loans?

wishful thinking...

Andy

2008-09-12T14:55:00.000-07:00

For those of you who know all my work ins and outs, you will be as surprised as I was to hear that my true love, Andy is getting hitched.

He told me at the most random moment on the phone, almost as an "oh, and by the way, I'm getting married on such-and-such. Don't schedule me the few days before."
"Oh, ok, Andy...sure...you are getting married...right."

Sure enough, Lauren is now about to be the proud wife of the man I love. If only I had taken him up on his offer for me to come, marry him and move away to our own private island.

I missed out...

its PSL time at Starbucks...time for a trip back in time

2008-09-12T07:45:00.000-07:00

and all i can say is PTL! I love the Thanksgiving-themed Pumpkin Spice Latte and its quickly approaching counterpart, the Eggnog Latte.

Delicious!

I think the main reason why i love it so much is that it reminds me of a climate that has real clear distinctions between the season. (Is "distinction" the right word? I don't really care...) Anyways, it reminds me of Seattle in the fall/winter.

It brings me back to going on pseudo-dates with my high-school pseudo-boyfriend. I say pseudo because he and I were always "best friends" but we always (and I mean always) hung out on Friday night...no keggers for me at Carkeek Park, no partying after Blanchet's football games, I was going to "hang out" with my "best friend" Mike Parker. And, seriously, this kid was so cute. I miss having him in my life, if even just as my best friend again. Anyways, romantic, rose-colored visions of the past aside, we would always jump in my car (cause I don't think he could drive yet...cradle robber I am) and drive 10 minutes down 15th Ave, and be spit out right into the heart of downtown. We'd park at Pacific Place because, back then, parking on a Friday night was $2 no matter how long you chose to stay (those were the days!). We'd usually go to see a movie (no hand-holding, but definitely by the end our shoulders were touching!...i know what you think, I'm such a tramp!) and afterwards take in a Starbucks on the 3rd floor of Pacific Place, looking out onto Nordstroms from the outside balcony, all the while discussing what movie we went to see, what we liked, what we didn't. It was there that I (secretly) fell in love with Mike Parker and (not secretly) gave my heart way to the Egg Nog Latte, and had my eyes opened to a love of film. I think that if he and I would've seen "There Will Be Blood" together, it would've been the perfect date movie. Awesome score, beautiful cinematography, and the internal conflict of the main character would've provided us with hours of in-depth psychoanalysis. But, then again, maybe not. Maybe he would've hated it, and then I would've spent hours trying to psychoanalyze him about why he didn't like it.

Anyways, all that to say, here's to my favorite backdrop of young love: Seattle in the winter, and to my favorite non-boyfriend aka first love Michael Todd Parker. With this first PSL of the season, I reflect on how much each of them meant in my life, and am grateful.

Lassen!

2008-09-08T07:44:00.000-07:00

So...first adventure of Summer 2008 camping happened this last weekend. It was gooooooood times. I was a little sad that it is September and this was the first time getting out and about, but hey, when forest fires threaten those campsites, its probably not a good time to go and pitch your tent.

The drive up the mountain was short...good talks make for short drives. We quickly arrived at our campsite...one of the only ones left at 530pm on a Friday. We were lucky that we got a choice spot near the bathrooms (which, FYI, were some of the nicest camping bathrooms I've ever seen! Mirrors! Flushing toilets! Ooh, la la!)

First destination after setting up camp: Bumpass Hell. The boardwalk. (Not to be confused with the boardwalks in Jersey...this variety is decidedly more smelly and with less carnies.) The hike over was surprisingly short, which i was grateful for, as we were getting going around 7pm, and as we were hiking the sun was setting. We finally made it over to the sulphur pits, experienced them in all their glory, did some glamour shots, read any and all informational signs and then scurried back up the hill at twilight to get back to the car. Glamour shots follow:

Admittedly, for about 20 minutes during the hike back from Bumpass to the car, I was super-scared and anxious that we were going to get stuck hiking in the dark. After a few minutes of walking by moonlight, I realized it was no biggie, and relaxed into the experience. After all, people hike Lassen in the moonlight, so hiking back from Bumpass Hell shouldn't be that big of a deal...

Which gave me the best idea ever! I proposed to Holly and Elaine that we go back, make dinner by the campfire and then wake up early, ascend Lassen by mornings first light and see the sunrise on the mountain. As we hiked back to the car, we grew excited about this idea.

We got back to our campsite and made our way to the cooler to pull out the weenies we had brought to fry up. 10 minutes later, Elaine had fired up the pieces of her old fence she brought as firewood and we were ready to burn those suckers up. Dinner came and went...delicious. We sang happy birthday to Elaine and as we all snuggled down into our sleeping bags for the night we realized that we had no way to wake up at 5am, and so decided that if one of us woke up, we would attempt to summit early, but if not, it was OK to wake up at a normal hour and then get going then.

It was such a pleasure, after a night of being almost too cold, that we slept in just a little bit. No early rising, no summiting to see the sunrise. That achievement is left for another time.

Nope, we woke up to the sound of owls making their owl-y noises and birds chirping. After sleepily exiting our tent, Holly went scrounging other campsites for a left-behind log so that we could burn it for our morning coffee. We ate bagels and go-gurt, packed up, and made our way over to the Lassen trail head.

We started the summit attempt at 10am. Here's a picture of me (internally) freaking out at the picture of what is before me:

Now, I am one who likes to know what is ahead of me, both figuratively (in life) and literally (at Lassen). Being that I had never attempted to conquer the mountain before, I kept on asking veterans Elaine and Holly what it was like. Apparently 2.5 miles of switchbacks and a 2000 feet vertical climb. No sweat! I could do that in my sleep! Well, actually, I couldn't, I'd have to be fully awake...but I digress.

The ascent, when in my slow, taking many breaks style, was easy. Yeah, the air was thinner than I am used to, but all in all, it was a good time! I would do it again in a heartbeat. What made it easy also was the fact that we were not the only ones who were climbing the mountain that day...we saw people of all nationalities and walks of life. Kids with their dads, high-schoolers on class trips, Grandpas and Grandmas who were slowly making their way to the top. It was nice to see so many people doing what we were doing, albeit at their own pace. Doing it at our own pace:

We made it to the top, explored around the summit for a little bit. Holly was right: it does look like the surface of the moon (if I would imagine what the moon's surface would look like). We picked ourselves a nice little perch, ate our lunch and talked politics. (Here: I am absolutely fascinated by political talk:)

I pulled out my Us Weekly which had an article on Sarah Palin's baby (or is that her daughters baby? who knows...). After lunch, and a quick bathroom break, we were ready for the trek down. It took us an amazingly short time to get down the mountain, and when we finally got back to the car, we checked the time, and realized we had been up there for 3.75 hours. The estimated time for the round-trip is about 4-5 hours, so I was happy that even with my slow pace, we were able to be better than the estimate. Boo-yah 4-5 hour Mt. Lassen trekkers. We're better than you.

We jumped in the car, putting in the "Hairspray" soundtrack, and quickly I was experiencing surround-sound singing to "Hairspray"...well, holly and Elaine singing, I was just listening and humming at the more memorable parts, as I've only seen the movie once.

Next stop: Subway Caves, 15 minutes outside of Lassen National Park, recommendation from Mel and Charlie as a "must do" when in the area. We made our way there, and once arrived, dressed warmer and put back on our tennis shoes, as the cave floor promised to be a little more uneven and the temperature in the cave was a cool 46 degrees. Yikes! We headed towards the entrance, and a nice woman who had just exited the cave stops us and offers us glow sticks to use as bracelets. Should we get separated, we'll be able to see each other!

My headlamp and E's flashlight came out, as we made our way to the stairs that would lead us to the cave.

Now, here's where the story gets hairy. We get down to the cave...its actually really a sweet thing to do, until someone in your group (Elaine) mentions that this would be a good lair for a serial killer to hide out in. At that moment, as we are walking, huddled closely to each other, I start thinking about serial killers, and immediately, my headlamp starts going dim, and Elaine's flashlight is turning that familiar shade of orange that means that we are just 2 minutes away from battery-exhaustion and utter darkness. And, all the while we're wearing glow-stick bracelets that will automatically announce to the serial killer waiting in Lucifer's Cul-De-Sac that we are coming his way. (Lucifer's Cul-De-Sac is an actual location in the cave...scary.)

So, I did the only thing I knew how to do. I got angry at Elaine... and told her that this is how people die in the wilderness. They go into situations thinking that they will be OK, but then their equipment is faulty and then they die. Was I being a little dramatic? Heck yes I was. But, I was not down with getting a)killed by a serial killer in Lucifer's cul-de-sac or b) freezing to death because I can't find my way out of a pitch-black cave. So, we turned around and she took this picture of me that will remind her that joking about serial killers in scary pitch-black caves is NEVER a good idea, EVER!

Here's to Holly and Elaine: great camping buddies who make everything just a little more fun.

ich liebe deutsch

2008-09-05T09:09:00.000-07:00

Sie Kerle, ich verpasse sprechendes Deutsch so schlecht. Ich liebe die Artikulation, ich liebe die Geschichte, ich liebe Geführten Lola Run.

Für meinen Geburtstag oder Weihnachten bekommt jemand mich Deutscher von Rosetta Stone, so dass ich mich mehr in der Berührung mit meinem Erbe fühlen kann?

Ja?

being face-to-face

2008-09-04T08:15:00.001-07:00

sometimes i get lost in the rhythm of life:
wake up
shower/get ready
work
work
work some more
come home
play with clown baby
hang out
sleep
wake up
(begin again)

lately, i am LONGING for something outside of the routine. something that makes me feel alive. whether that's getting outside of the flow of Redding, or changing everything up and doing nothing the same than how i do it now, all i can say is that there is a yearning to do things differently.

I think when I start feeling that this, it's due to not being diligent in how I walk daily with Jesus. I get lost inside myself, become completely self-centered and self-absorbed, and in His subtle way that is full of grace and love, he reminds me that something about living dependent upon numero uno (meaning myself) is not satisfying. I need to be dependent on someone bigger than myself to give me identity, to give me joy, to give me those things that are the cries of my heart.

so, I was sitting at church this last weekend...listening to Jenna BRING IT during worship. she usually does bring it, but this time, i felt the spirit rocking in the room, rising up, and so i started praying, and oddly enough, the only prayer that felt real and felt truly necessary was "Jesus, break my heart." Sometimes, I feel like the only way for me to actually feel something is to feel too much. To be so overwhelmed by an emotion that you can't ignore any longer. (If you haven't already guessed, I think one of my biggest struggles is complacency.) So, my prayer is that Jesus would rock my world, so to speak. To jar me out of the routine, and get me to a place where I am always face-to-face with Him, living life with my best friend, doing things His way, and not always my own.

So...now, I am just waiting to see when the Lord is going to take my heart and totally transform it into something different...perhaps more tender to his voice, definately more dependent on Him.

And, for all of you blog lovers out there who think: "this girl must be technologically retarded", its true. just wait...page customization is coming. a girl only has too much time out of the sleep, work, hang out, sleep routine to put time and effort into her blogger. pray for me, that those things that are so essential to my daily survival will become my number 1 priority. (and i don't mean blog customization.)

(And, in other news, I'm going camping at Lassen this weekend. Yea for being a mountain mama.)

ESA and the lunch connundrum

2008-08-28T13:44:00.001-07:00

Today, in the rush to leave home and get to the office at a decent (although entirely all-too-early) hour, I forgot to grab something to take for lunch. Pay attention to this fact, as it sets the stage for the early afternoon drama that I found myself in the middle of.

I genuinely like my job. I work for Executive Scheduling Associates where I basically am a scheduling associate for executives...hence the name! Part of my job is calling all over the United States, including the east coast...hence the leaving the house at all-too-early hours of the morning. My days usually start at 7 (or if i am being really on top of my game 6am), so right around 10 or 11am I usually start to get so hungry that a mid-morning snack/full-blown frozen TV dinner (of the SmartOnes variety) is necessary. I have been known to stick lasagna in the microwave at 930am. I know...freaky. I run the risk of people looking at me like I am a nerd, but the alternative (being a starving lunatic) is a lot less worse.

Today, as I am at the office, painfully aware that I forgot my lunch, and equally aware that I still have three hours of calling left to do for one client, I go to the mini-fridge and survey its contents (none of which I brought in, so why I am surveying them, heaven only knows). I settle on opening the freezer door, and see this marvelous SmartOnes (one of the best frozen dinners a single girl could ask for). Turkey, gravy, stuffing and mixed veggies. Not necessarily what I would've chosen when I was at the store and putting things in my cart, but hey, convenience breeds necessity. And, at this time, I was ready to gnaw off my left foot and chew on that.

So, I need to give you a little background on this particular dinner that was located in our staff fridge. Its been in there so long, that it should've had its own phone extension and benefits package by now. I can't remember a day when it was not in there. At least a good three weeks this dinner has stared me in the face every time I open the freezer door. Most times, I stare right past it, eyes locked on my own dinner, pull that one out and expertly cook it for 4 1/2 minutes on high, turn 1/4 turn, then another 4 minutes on high, let sit for 1-2 minutes. (Its almost as difficult as duck confit, except duck confit only requires an extra 3 minutes on half heat.) This time, however, when faced with this forgotten, left-behind delicious turkey dish, I had pity on it. I debated for about 2 minutes, talked it over with another co-worker and finally decided that if someone had not eaten it by now, it wasn't going to happen.

4 minutes on high, 1/4 turn and 1 minute later, I was enjoying a feast. In fact, it was so good that I reconsidered my prior opinion about choosing it the next time I visit my local FoodMaxx.

So, my stomach is happy, my clients are happy (because I am no longer a raving lunatic waiting to bite their heads off because they are being retarded)...the world is good.

Until, I hear, off in the distance, "Mom...? Someone ate my dinner." It registers in my brain that the dinner that my boss' daughter is referring to was none other than the SmartOnes Turkey Buffet that i just practically inhaled not even 20 minutes ago. Mortification set in and I hid in my office for a gut-wrenching 20 seconds until I could no longer stand it.

Confession time. I told poor Alyssa that I ate her dinner, and that it was truly delicious, and that next time, if she wanted her dinner to be there, to not leave it in there for days and days and days.

Just kidding...actually, I apologized and told her I will replace it. But, part of me maintains that there has to be some sort of free-for-all limit on frozen dinners.

I'm going to work on writing it into the ESA Employee Handbook.

because its always good to examine one's life...

2008-08-27T07:42:00.000-07:00

i figure with someone who has professed a love of blogging, i better pick up the pace. Two blogs in 2 weeks? COME ON! (picture Gob Bluth yelling here.) Here are my top ten summer moments, thus far.

Mel's birthday party at Logan's: sitting outside on the patio, myself and some friends were having fun laughing at me acting like a cat who'd just gotten declawed (picture those high quality cloth napkins that Logan's has, wrapped around my fists and my white nubs "walking" across the table to the delight of onlookers.

First round of packing the Fleck's picture frames. I suck at packing. Enough said.

Art Hop! Words cannot express how alive it made my heart feel to walk around downtown with art happening all around me. Not to mention the beautiful boutiques with the amazing merch that i will be able to purchase if and when I become either a) a trophy wife or b) an independently wealthy career woman.

New cell phone! Thanks Verizon for the hook up. I love the Voyager! (not Star Trek Voyager, which actually, I did used to like, but the LG Voyager). Touch screen, mobile tv...so many more accoutrements than I'm used to my own puppy-gnawed motorola Q. In fact, i was so jubilant that i threw away my old phone in the trash!

Growing out my toes for manicure purposes! I know this sounds gross, but one of my favorite parts of summer is having cute colors on my toes. Although, those who know me best know that I fail to have color on my toes all the time, but when i do, its a great joy to look down and see cute little nails. So...long story short, please don't think that i am unhygenic.

Jake's bbq: i like it when old friends come back and give us a very good reason to throw a rip-roaring party, complete with much too much laughing and all those big balls on Wipeout. Its always good to let the hair down a little to celebrate people's presence in our lives.

Small group: ladies, ladies, ladies: fun times! If only Big Brother, Wipeout, Survivor, ANTM, Top Chef, the Office, 30 Rock and all those other shows were on each week. Oh wait, they are. Thus, never a reason to stop meeting, eating popcorn and raisenettes, guzzling diet soda, and taking breaks to discuss how we are doing, and what we are stuggling with. If only I can win the BB pot! COME ON DAN!!!

NEW ROOMMATE! Welcome Rebekah Grace David! Anyone need a hairstylist? Call my roommate, she's the bomb!

Charter... and the reason why I can blog in the first place. The guy who installed it was so nice, although when my MOXI box (Tivo's ugly step-child) started foaming a pancake-like substance out of the bottom of mybox, that was a little disconcerting. Ah well, we are trying again and will get it right!

The day the fires began. Oddly enough, I know this may sound really insensitive, and believe me when i say that I am not thankful for the fires. But the weather that day...AMAZING. I am a bona fide fan of lightning...just not when it strikes forests and burns down California. Boo on that.

And, due to my Gob reference, I am in the process of writing top 10 Arrested Development phrases that must make it into my Fall, 2008 phraseology. Nothing can be better than adopting some of the best dialogue ever written.

tivo and how its ruining my life

2008-08-26T12:13:00.001-07:00

I have this crush...a MAN crush. I recognize that being male is implied in my use of the word "crush", but this guy is a MAN, all dignified, in-charge. dare-I-say "older". He just has this aura of awe around him. The kind of beauty that makes you stutter when face-to-face and in conversation with him. He's a total crush-worthy specimen, and every day that I see him, I always think "dang it! why did I have to wear this to work today?!?!"
This morning, I woke up with that special feeling. I knew this would the one of those crush-days. He comes into my office to visit someone in the building, and inexplicably, I always know when the crush-day is a-coming. Its like i can feel his aura around me, ready to make an appearance.
So, this morning, when i got ready for work, I did it with extra care, being super precise. Just the right amount of eye shadow (too little: school marm, too much:trampy). Did my hair cute (or so said my roommate, the soon-to-be-licensed hairstylist and guru for all things chic in hair up-and-coming. I even made sure my toes were properly manicured (actually, this last one was him fortuitously catching me on the right day...i hadn't made it around to anxiously picking off my nail polish yet).
Throughout that entire morning, i kept waiting for him to arrive. (tivo reference: if this were on TV, i would've tivo'ed the whole interaction and I'd be watching it tomorrow, fast forwarding through the crazy boring parts of the anticipation).
Finally, around 1pm, he came. Dressed-down enough that its apparent he really knows how to dress 5up. Friendly laugh as he enters the building. Be still my beating heart! I guess he was in the office to visit someone and go out to lunch because minutes later, i see them leaving and the pass by my window for a small second of time.
Now, here's where i wish Tivo was something more than just for TV. As he walked past, i searched that left hand for something shinny or matted, anything that would signify a life-long vow to another lucky woman. But, what should happen? Did i see anything? No...i didn't. And, not for lack of trying. He apparently is also a gold-medal winner in the speed walking Olympics. He was in my line of sight for a total of 2 seconds, not nearly long enough to try to ascertain if he is a part of a pair.
Here's the kicker...I actually reached for a remote to press the skip back button, so that I could skip and pause. But, astonishingly enough, no button really does exist! Horror!
So, pretty much, I'm annoyed that Tivo can't diversify its market to human brains.

And, also, I found out toward the end of the day that he has a girlfriend. Damn.

Inaugural Blog: an Ode to Blogging

2008-08-11T14:30:00.000-07:00

Well, e-world, I've finally done it. Become a producing member of the blogging sphere. I have to tell you, I love blogging. Some people have described blogging as logorrhea (def: verbal diarrhea), done by those who have a specific need for those around them or those never met to know what they are thinking. For passive-aggressive people out there, blogging can be a way for those of us to get our irks out in a non-threatening way. (When i need to vent a little passive-aggression, i simply go online to craigslist missed connections and let it fly.)

However, for me, I love blogging, yes I do, because it helps me to reflect on my life in a way that reminds me that:

i have way too much fun than is necessary. (side-discussion: can one truly have too much fun? i don't think so, but I'll leave it up to you to decide.)

i love sharing my quirky times with those around me so that you can laugh too. (side-discussion: bringing over my blogs from myspace to blogger. worth the time? those were some dang good blogs, if i don't say so myself.)

For a long time, I had resisted going over to blogger from myspace. While myspace is so comprehensive in attempting to get at a person's personality (side-discussion: myspace pages really are how you want to be perceived), my blogs on myspace are complimentary to the rest of my profile. Kinda like "hey, these are my pictures! Hey, oh, there are my friends! And, there, for your viewing pleasure, is my blog, all my random moments and thoughts on the things I encounter on a daily basis. Moving over to blogger, however, now is only about what i write. Am i defined by what i blog about, how often i blog or how good I am at blogging? No...not really. But i still can't get over the fact that it is a little intimidating. When I start something, i want to be the best. So, the perfectionist in me screams: "you will never be one of the favorite blogs on blogger's main page! so why even try?" Well, I try because often, the joy is in the process of trying and failing, or, what's better, trying and succeeding. So, perfectionistic tendancies be damned. I am going to write in spite of them.

And, to answer my previous question, i think i will bring over my blogs from myspace. Or attempt to, at least. To give you, my viewing public (which in reality is probably only one or two of my friends) a background on my life. And, selfishly, so i can read all those old blogs and laugh again (and again).

In unrelated news: when I was blogging today, underneath my text box it has a "labels for this post" option and the examples of good labels are "scooters, vacation, fall". Being my first time to blogger, I've never experienced labeling a post, and who knows, its probably always those same three words. However, today it strikes me as funny that two of those, when paired together, have had such an impact on my life, specifically scooters and fall (not as in the season, as in laying it down). Love that scooter. Love the bum knees that i have because of the scooter.